The Art Of Being Resilient: 9 Simple Habits Of Naturally Resilient People | Lisa Newman

We're hearing a lot about resilience these days, and we need it more than ever. Unfortunately, however, much of the advice given isn't always helpful. Often, it's even overwhelming or impractical.

For instance, you know you should exercise, but that won't do you any good if you don't have the energy. And how the heck do you “feel your emotions” when you've shut out your feelings just to get through the day? Advice like this only adds to stress and can make you feel worse.

To build emotional resiliency, start by making a habit of practicing some simple skills that naturally resilient people lean on to get through difficult times more easily. Rather than thinking about strength and resilience as big to-dos, it may be more helpful to think of these as traits that you can reinforce in yourself over time.

A great place to start is with a few small actions that give you some immediate gratification. With regular practice, these will become little habits that improve your strength and resilience when times get tough. These small actions may seem inconsequential, but they can make a big difference.

Here are 9 simple habits of naturally resilient people:

1. They savor the moment

woman who is naturally resilient as she savors the moment PeopleImages / Shutterstock

The best things in life are often found in the small moments of pleasure and connection. Your first cup of coffee, a child's hug, or appreciation of a blooming flower. We all have these moments, even in the midst of the most challenging circumstances. Looking out for the small, enjoyable moments that occur throughout the day and anchoring them into memory with a bit of extra attention will go a long way toward keeping you in a positive state of mind. This promotes positive emotion and interrupts negative rumination.

2. They choose to see the good

woman who is naturally resilient as she focuses on positive emotions PeopleImages / Shutterstock

All emotions are adaptive, meaning that even what we think of as a “negative" emotion has a positive role in our lives. But the emotions we think of as “positive” hold special power. Thankfully, you don't have to wait for positive emotion to come naturally. You can induce positive emotions by watching something cute or funny (which might be why funny cat videos are so popular), turning your attention to something or someone you love (such as a tree, artwork, person, or pet), or moving in a way that’s enjoyable (such as dancing to an upbeat song).

3. They take a deep breath

man who is naturally resilient as he takes deep breath Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock

This timeless advice is rooted in science because our breath is the quickest way to bring our nervous system into relaxation. Breathing slowly and deeply also ensures that oxygen reaches our brain and muscles. When practiced over time, deep breaths enhance cognitive and psychological flexibility, research has shown. Even one deep breath can be rejuvenating and give you the pause you need to make better, more thoughtful choices.

4. They do something menial

woman who is naturally resilient as she does something menial Pixel-Shot / Shutterstock

You may not see a link between making your bed and meeting your long-term life goals, but taking any small action gives energy and shows you that you’re capable of getting things done. We can change our moods and thoughts indirectly by taking action. When you're feeling unmotivated, pick any small, even micro, action, even one completely unrelated to your goals. Then stand back and acknowledge your work — well done, you!

5. They play a little

woman who is naturally resilient as she plays a little Pixel-Shot / Shutterstock

It may seem self-indulgent when you've got too much to do, but a short play break can work your brain in different ways, which can help you stop worrying and instead better access your creativity and problem-solving capabilities. An app, word game, puzzle, or craft will do, as will throwing a ball in the air, or shooting a few hoops. Anything you find fun for 15 minutes or so will give the needed boost. Think of it as recess for adults.

6. They counter negative thoughts

woman who is naturally resilient as she counters negative thought Ground Picture / Shutterstock

We're often brought low by our own negative thoughts, and when times are tough, these negative thoughts add unnecessary weight to our load. Try countering negative self-talk that you become aware of with a statement of self-compassion. Simple statements to yourself like “you're doing your best,” “this is hard,” or “everyone makes mistakes” can lift your mood and give you the energy to keep going.

7. They give their brain a break

woman who is naturally resilient as she takes a brain break Ground Picture / Shutterstock

Taking a break from thinking is deeply restorative. One easy way to do this is to shift focus onto the senses by paying attention to what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Doing a body check-in is another way to give your brain a break. Do this by scanning your body and asking what you’re experiencing inside. These can be physical needs like thirst, hunger, or exhaustion. It could also be emotional manifestations like butterflies or a knot in your stomach.

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8. They nourish their minds

woman who is naturally resilient as she eats when she is hungry EshanaPhoto / Shutterstock

Everyone who has experienced becoming “hangry” knows that getting overly hungry can put you in a negative mindset, leading to anger and other negative emotions. Paying attention and honoring your appetite signals reward you in multiple ways. Not only does it ensure that you get the nutrients you need when you need them, but it also helps you learn to differentiate between the sensations of physical and emotional hunger.

9. They practice gratitude

woman who is naturally resilient as she practices gratitude Max kegfire / Shutterstock

You can take a moment each day to reflect on three things you are most grateful for. When done at the end of the day, this has the bonus effect of putting you in a relaxed, positive space, which is helpful for better sleep. Building tried-and-true little habits like these can have big impacts. They can help you feel stronger in the moment as well as build resilience over time. You can do any one of these actions until it becomes a real habit, or you can keep a list handy to pick from when you need a power-up.

You can even stack them for greater impact. Think "taking deep breaths" plus "being grateful" plus "savoring the moment" while taking a meal break. If something seems too hard, break it down further into individual, doable actions. The most important thing is to bring some focus to what's good in life to help balance out the rest.

Lisa Newman, MAPP, is a positive psychology practitioner and certified intuitive eating counselor specializing in helping women end the cycle of yo-yo dieting.