Narcissists Get Way More Miserable & Rude As They Start Aging For 11 Distinct Reasons
Kitreel | ShutterstockWe've all encountered a narcissist at some point in our lives, whether in a relationship or at work.
While we may think their behavior couldn't get any worse, when narcissists age, they become more rude and miserable for very specific reasons, which negatively affects the people around them. They're highly unhappy with their lives, but because they don't have empathy for anyone but themselves, it's increasingly difficult for them to maintain control over others as they age.
Distinct reasons narcissists become ruder and more miserable as they get older
1. They have less to lose
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Narcissists are among the most challenging individuals to deal with. While they might have felt charming once upon a time, the older they get, the harder it is for them to, essentially, put people under their spell.
Growing old is bittersweet but as psychotherapist Antonieta Contreras said, "As [a narcissist's] decline becomes more evident, they begin to resent everyone, including those who once bought into their sense of importance. Over time, those who admired them may become disappointed."
2. They've stopped receiving attention
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Narcissists love attention and admiration, and will do anything to get it. So, when they stop getting that from others, they grow bitter. No longer the center of attention, they throw tantrums because they feel forgotten.
From their children having their own families to their friends slowly stepping away, a narcissist doesn't know how to deal with this level of "abandonment." But rather than getting help, they choose to go off the rails and snap at everyone. And by that point, there's no way to humble them.
3. Their fear of irrelevance has hit an all-time high
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While normal people aren't too keen on attention, narcissists thrive when they get it. They love the idea of being talked about and admired, but when their relevancy slips away, they become incredibly self-conscious. Whether it's their fading looks or people prioritizing other things in life aside from them, this is their worst fear.
As licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers explained, "If the narcissist doesn't get the special treatment he craves... the narcissist cannot tolerate the feelings that the perceived slight or rejection engender. Put another way, without others' attention propping him up, the narcissist is like a car that has no key; it simply can't function as expected."
4. They feel a greater sense of entitlement due to their age
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The older someone becomes, the wiser they are. Having had life experiences that younger people know little to nothing about, wisdom and age are often correlated. But this isn't the case with narcissists, because they never truly evolve past their own ego.
Always making their problems the center of attention, narcissists become miserable and rude the older they get due to their sense of entitlement growing. If people aren't bowing and praising them for what they supposedly know, they go a bit insane. It's because they believe they're deserving of all the respect and honor.
5. They feel trapped in the life they've created
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Narcissists care a great deal about their image. Spending the majority of their lives carefully curating the perfect persona, there's a sense of resentment that arises when they realize they've trapped themselves in negative perception from others. In truth, they're likely exhausted by their own creation.
It doesn't matter how perfect their life seems, because when someone isn't living in their authentic truth, people aren't going to believe it. According to researcher Aigerim Alpysbekova, "Self-determination theory tells us that when we’re doing what we love, we feel a sense of autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Simply put, we feel alive, we feel ourselves."
6. They can no longer control others
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Narcissists thrive on controlling their environment. Whether it's how much money they make or what career their kids pursue, they need to be in control. But that control doesn't last forever, and as much as they may try to hold on, they'll only grow more miserable when they realize the people in their life have their own autonomy.
Actively deciding what they want to do with their lives, their choices are no longer dictated by what pleases the narcissist the most. Understanding that a narcissist will never be happy, they've learned to live by their own set of rules. Unfortunately, narcissists react poorly to not having that control, and may have outbursts.
7. Their accomplishments aren't getting them ahead anymore
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People enjoy celebrating when they reach big milestones, whether it's finishing a degree or getting a job promotion, and everything in between. There's nothing sweeter than that feeling! But this doesn't last forever, and unfortunately for narcissists, it means their glory days are over.
A narcissist doesn't know how to let go. As certified life coach Kristy Lee Parkin revealed, "Narcissists often feel as if they must remain the center of attention in anyone’s life. Relationships often serve the purpose of boosting the narcissist's status... Their relationships tend to be defined by status, photos, trophies, milestones, and perfect social media appearances."
When they can no longer gain from others or get ahead, they crash out. With their ego in peril, narcissists yearn to go back to the times when they found success, because that's when they felt the most admired and respected.
8. People can see through their manipulation tactics
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Leaning heavily into their charming persona, narcissists would convince everyone around them that they weren't the problem, even if they really were. Gaslighting and playing the victim can get old for others, because as narcissists get older, people can see right through their manipulation and keep their distance.
The people who know them are now quick to ignore them. Scolding them for acting immature despite being older, a narcissist's ego takes a hit when this happens. Unable to handle the harsh criticism they used to give to others, they're more bitter.
9. They have nobody else to blame
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A narcissist can only get away with their poor behavior for so long. No matter how important they once were to those around them, narcissists grow lonely when nobody in their life wants to deal with their toxic behavior anymore. Having enough, don't be shocked when narcissists get way more miserable as a result.
When they don't have anyone else to blame, they destroy their life and everyone else's too. "They cannot put themselves into your shoes and feel or understand how something might affect you. They can only see how it affects them. They are hypersensitive to criticism and judgment, but constantly criticize and judge others. This is their way to make themselves feel bigger and better," licensed marriage and family therapist Karyl McBride pointed out.
10. Their future doesn't seem promising
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While they've had their fair share of beautiful moments, looking back at all their mistakes is an ego hit for the average person. They experience a huge amount of regret and embarrassment, but when they have the proper tools to heal and move on, they're able to come to terms with their shortcomings.
But for a narcissist, the only thing that gives them joy is feeling superior to others. Loving the idea of putting others in their place, they don't realize how much they've messed up until their future seems unpredictable while the negatives of their past remain.
Now all alone, a narcissist will either need to self-reflect or remain miserable. Unfortunately, their inability to look inward is one of the many reasons why they continue to stay the worst version of themselves.
11. Validation is harder to obtain
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From their friends ignoring them to their children wanting nothing to do with them, narcissists must face an unimaginable level of loneliness as they grow older. With nobody there to manage their emotions or accept blame for something they didn't do, a narcissist must find validation within themselves. Unfortunately, that's unlikely.
As psychiatrist Dr. Alexander Lapa explained, when a narcissist doesn't get the validation they desire on a constant basis, their self-esteem suffers, and their facade collapses. Feeling vulnerable, narcissists who who used validation as fuel feel depleted, and it leads to quite a bit of misery on their end.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
