Brilliant People Who Get What They Want Often Use 10 Surprisingly Kind Phrases
Paul Tamas's Images | CanvaOnce you have a clear idea of what you want and when you want it, you can use several kind phrases to soften your energy and get what you want. Empathy and kindness, rather than bluntness, are key to getting what you want most, especially when it involves other people's help.
Brilliant people who get what they want often use these kind phrases:
1. 'I hear you'
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According to a PLOS One study, the key to truly connecting with people is to help them feel understood. In conversations with a co-worker, that could look like using a phrase like this to simply acknowledge another person's opinions. With a partner, the same phrase could help mediate conflict and create a safe space for communication.
Many of us subconsciously adopt a harsher identity at work, but the key to more productive conversations is softening your energy. Help people to feel safe and secure when they're talking to you. You'll not only get what you ask for more often, but you'll also cultivate a healthier workplace dynamic for everyone.
2. 'How can I help?'
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According to a study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science, giving to others and being helpful actually boosts our mental and physical health. Saying "How can I help?" is a way to offer your expertise or kindness, and you're more likely to get the outcome you want in return. While many people have a misguided belief that asking for help or even offering people help at work is a sign of weakness, it has incredible personal and social benefits.
3. 'I understand'
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According to licensed psychologist Dr. Marjorie Schuman, we have a natural human desire to feel understood by the people in our lives. When we soften our energy and use phrases like this, we not only give ourselves grace to seek social support and guidance from others, but we also help others to feel more comfortable in our presence. Something simple like "I hear you" or "I understand you" can make all the difference in truly getting what you want.
4. 'Thank you for sharing'
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Experts from the University of Miami argue that expressing gratitude releases hormones in our brain that make us feel good. So, on a fundamental level, when we say "thank you" and give people the credit they deserve, we also help ourselves feel more grounded. By using a phrase like "thank you for sharing" in conversation, we can tap into the benefits of gratitude on a smaller scale.
5. 'Tell me more about that'
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According to a study in the Journal of Research in Personality, people feel happier and less anxious when others respect them in conversation. There are many ways to cultivate mutual respect or help someone feel heard in conversation, but a phrase like this creates space for people to share their opinions and talk about themselves.
Focus on active listening when you enter a conversation, and ask thoughtful questions to help people open up. When it comes to advocating for what you want and expressing your needs, the other person is far more likely to offer up that same respect when you do it first.
6. 'I appreciate hearing your perspective'
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What many people get wrong in conversations with people who have different perspectives or opinions is the need to get defensive. You can offer people respect and empathy, even if you don't agree with what they're saying. From parents talking with their adult children to co-workers speaking with a boss, a phrase like "I appreciate hearing your perspective" can make all the difference in finding compromise.
7. 'Would you be open to the possibility of...'
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Instead of bluntly telling someone what to do or being overly direct and harsh about what you want, brilliant people get what they want by leading with basic kindness and understanding. Ask someone if they'd be willing to consider your perspective. If you've already created a safe, comfortable experience for them to do the same, they'll likely be willing to do the same for you.
8. 'Here's what I'd like'
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Sometimes, the most brilliant way to get what you want is to simply ask for it. Of course, you can soften your language and choose the right moment to express what you want, but you'll never open up the possibility without being direct.
Even in the workplace, communicating your needs to your boss can put it on their radar or, at the very least, help you stay top of mind when new opportunities arise or you have a chance to grow. At home or in relationships, the same is true. You can't expect the people in your life to read your mind.
9. 'I understand where you're coming from'
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Social worker and life coach Lyssa deHart argues that empathy helps us to be the best version of ourselves. Putting ourselves in another person's shoes and making an effort to understand them in conversation grows our emotional intelligence.
Many of the phrases brilliant people use to get what they want require this kind of emotional intelligence, ensuring they collaborate toward a shared goal rather than simply telling someone to do what they want. Making someone feel understood in a conversation is the key to sparking that collaborative energy, even if it's your idea or goal you're working toward.
10. 'Do you have any feedback for me?'
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According to Carol S. Dweck, in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, how you see yourself can directly affect the kinds of conversations you have, including how productive they are. "The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value," Dweck said.
When you show open-mindedness in your interactions, reminding the other person that you're willing to shift your mindset and even adopt some of their unique advice, you make them feel valued. Asking for feedback or advice can make people see us as more confident and competent, which helps them feel comfortable enough to help us get what we want.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
