Boomers & Gen X Still Expect 7 Basic Manners That Gen Z Finds Unnecessary & Awkward
Dubova | ShutterstockOur etiquette is often shaped by our childhood and the lessons our parents instilled in us. We absorb what they teach us at an early age.
So, it's no wonder why there are such dramatic differences between younger and older generations when it comes to respect and basic good behavior. The kinds of manners boomers and Gen X still expect are the same ones that Gen Z finds unnecessary.
Gen Z finds these basic manners awkward, even though boomers and Gen X still expect them:
1. Making direct eye contact
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With lacking social skills from phone use and screen time, making eye contact and even having in-person conversations can feel awkward for Gen Z. They're used to having the buffer of a screen to chat and talk, so being forced to adhere to older generations' perceptions of good manners can be challenging.
While it's necessary and better for everyone to appreciate eye contact, they still have a hard time finding it necessary, preferring comfort and ease.
2. Holding the door open for a stranger
It's second nature for most people to hold a door open for someone, but the value of helping a stranger and going out of your way is slowly diminishing with younger generations. Especially in the face of poor social skills, intentionally conversing with and helping a stranger isn't something most are willing to do.
With a resurgence of traditional gender norms in younger generations, refusing to hold a door open for someone might be interlinked. As a study shared by the British Psychological Society explains, holding a door open for a man can sometimes diminish his self-esteem, especially when it's tied to traditional gender constructs of masculinity.
So, yes, it's a generational difference in manners, but it's more nuanced than being disrespectful or deliberately choosing not to do it every single time.
3. Standing up to greet someone new
Much like a handshake at work, standing up when someone walks in the room to greet them has always been a basic manner that older generations follow. It's not even conscious, but a second nature reflex.
Not only do Gen Zers find it awkward to stand every time someone appears in a room, but they find it quite unnecessary. They push back on these old-school customs because they often don't feel essential, and challenge their convenience- and comfort-oriented mentalities.
4. Writing a handwritten 'thank you' note
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Boomers and Gen Xers still value the art of handwritten "thank you" notes, despite having access to cell phones to text or call someone. It's the thought that counts, rather than the ease of the practice.
With young people who perceive effort and delayed gratification as bad things in comparison to ease and convenience, they're not interested in writing handwritten notes and letters. Despite all the benefits they offer to both the writer and the receiver, they still find a way to lean toward comfort, like sending a text or email instead.
5. Not using your phone during meals
While most Gen Xers and boomers didn't have the option to rely on their phones as a buffer during family meals and conversations, it's still one of the important basic manners they expect. For Gen Zers, though, who struggle with social skills like asking questions and actively listening, their phones are now a crutch.
When you go into a restaurant, you'll probably see groups of friends and people sitting at the same table, completely immersed in their phones. It's a reflex at this point.
6. Clearing your plate at the dinner table
Older generations were expected to clear their plate and have taken that lesson into their adult lives. But for Gen Zers today, it's somewhat problematic and unnecessary, despite boomers and Gen Xers seeing it as a sign of respect.
When someone takes the time to do something for you, it's best practice to express gratitude. For some people, at the dinner table, that means putting your own tastes aside to show appreciation by eating everything.
7. Dressing up for work or travel
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Whether it's riding an airplane or going to work in an office, older generations often value dressing up. While modern perceptions of professional dress look a lot different, most Gen Zers aren't fond of the idea that they should change their style as a sign of respect.
They'll be who they are and express themselves as needed, following only the rules and guidelines that make sense to them. But Gen Xers and boomers are rarely wearing sweatpants in the airport or jeans in the office. They've been socialized to style themselves alongside basic professional manners that are somewhat lost and reinvented with younger people.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
