6 Ways A Relationship Changes When The One Who Made The Least Money Starts Making The Most
Joshua Mcknight | PexelsWhen one partner starts earning more money than the other, it can seriously stir things up in a relationship. For some, it might be a welcome change. Others, however, might struggle with shifting power dynamics.
Of course, a change in the financial structure of a household doesn't and shouldn't mean the end of a relationship, but it can certainly throw a monkey wrench in things if communication isn't open and honest. No matter what, a relationship will have to change if the person who made the least amount of money suddenly starts making the most.
Ways a relationship can change when the breadwinner role shifts:
1. Men can struggle with what they consider a power imbalance
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Although social norms are changing, traditional roles place men as the primary breadwinners in most marriages. Today, however, many women are focusing more on their careers than family, and that opens up the door to earning more than their husbands.
For men who are defined by their jobs and role as provider, that can be a hard pill to swallow. In fact, a study from The Economist found that husbands whose wives earn more are much more likely to suffer mental distress than those who are breadwinners.
Psychologist Annie Wright noted that for women, “money is never just math; it is safety, control, and survival.” Wright said that money creates an unspoken hierarchy, and when it changes, it can be difficult to navigate. When a woman’s partner is not supportive of their success, it can make it a difficult home environment, as she will feel like she has to downplay her successes.
2. For some couples, it can reduce a lot of stress
If your partner starts earning more than you and you're not defined by your career or salary, it can alleviate a lot of stress. This lack of stress can be very beneficial to a marriage. It can give couples more peace of mind about saving and even bring more joy to daily life.
Some partners might view their partner becoming the breadwinner as freedom to pursue their passions rather than chasing a paycheck. It really does depend on the couple.
3. It can be a source of resentment if not addressed
This one can be either positive or negative. For example, a BuzzFeed user claimed that when she started earning more money than her boyfriend, she relied on him less. This made him grow resentful towards her, and the relationship ended because of it.
That's absolutely possible when couples let resentment build without discussing their feelings. Therapist John Kim, LMFT, explained, "Resentment thrives in silence. To address it, you need to have an open, honest conversation with your partner. This isn’t about blaming them for how you feel; it’s about expressing your needs and frustrations in a way that invites understanding and resolution. Be clear about what’s been bothering you, but also be willing to listen to your partner’s perspective."
4. The primary caregiver for children can change
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Once again, in traditional ways, the wife stays home with the kids while the husband goes to work to provide for the family. However, this is starting to change.
Stay-at-home dads are becoming more and more common. As women are becoming the breadwinners in their relationships, it is changing who stays home. If one partner starts to make more than the other, it might make more sense for the lower-income parent to stay home and alleviate daycare costs.
5. It can bring a couple closer emotionally
When one partner starts to make more and financial stressors are reduced, couples who spent all their time budgeting and worrying can start to actually prioritize their emotional needs.
Things that were on the back burner, like starting a family or even something simpler like traveling together, can become tangible. When partners are free to spend time on their relationship, only good things can come of it.
6. The relationship will struggle if the new breadwinner starts downplaying their accomplishments
In a healthy relationship, partners support each other. They are each other's cheerleaders. If the breadwinner dynamic changes and the partner earning more feels unsupported, he or she might start downplaying their accomplishments to make their spouse feel better.
For example, in Wright’s article, she referenced a couple, Dalia and Marco. Dalia makes more money than Marco, but she feels like she can’t talk about her accomplishments with him because he will get upset. These feelings of inadequacy are normal, but there are ways to deal with them. If not, it may end the relationship.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
