You Can Usually Tell If A Relationship Will Last Based On Your Answers To 15 Specific Questions, According To A Psychologist

Being confident in your relationship is important not just for your success as a couple, but also for your well-being as individuals. Relationships come with plenty of challenges, but how you handle those challenges as a couple determines the longevity of your relationship.r

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., PhD, a psychology professor at Monmouth University, has studied relationships extensively. He believes he came up with the perfect formula to figure out if your relationship will be long-lasting. He developed a famous 15-question quiz that is meant "to highlight what matters most." Answering these questions can give you insight into whether or not you and your partner are meant to be.

You can usually tell if a relationship will last based on your answers to these 15 specific questions:

1. 'Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?'

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It's important for you and your partner to bring out the good in each other and help each other be better at all points of life. Choosing to put your own best foot forward in your relationship will encourage your partner to do the same, helping you both become better people over time while forging a stronger bond.

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2. 'Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?'

Being able to fully open up to your partner comes down to having an open and honest relationship. Trust is the most essential characteristic for a relationship to have, but you have to work to build it over time. It's not easy, but it's what will allow you to truly be there for each other without any secrets holding you back.

3. 'Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?'

A healthy relationship isn't about two people contorting and twisting themselves to fit each other. Instead, it's about two people finding that they align as their authentic selves. If your partner can't accept you for you, then they might not be the right one for you.

It's not possible to change another person into someone different, and trying can have serious consequences. You should never try to do that to another person, and never allow someone to do that to you.

4. 'When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?'

Arguments are always tough no matter the circumstances, but the way you communicate will determine how you get through them as a couple. You and your partner must always maintain respect and hear each other out no matter how angry you are. Talking through it is how you'll get to the other side.

5. 'Do you and your partner share decision-making, power, and influence in the relationship?'

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Whether you're deciding what to eat for dinner or what movie to watch, it's important to make those choices as a unit. Research has proven that people are happier when both they and their partner hold some power in their relationship. You should be able to come together as a couple instead of adopting an "every man for himself" attitude.

6. 'Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?'

Having a foundation of friendship isn't actually required for a romantic relationship to work, but it does help a lot. If you think about the people you consider friends, you'll notice they're people that you care about and want the best for. Why wouldn't that be a good thing in a relationship?

You should be able to see your partner as not only your lover, but also as your friend. Relationships rely on a strong bond to withstand the test of time, and nothing is stronger than friendship.

7. 'Do you and your partner think more in terms of we and us, rather than you and I?'

Relationships are about two people, not just one. Even if you're used to doing things on your own, you and your partner are a team now, and you have to be able to work together. Words might not seem like a big deal, but they're important because they're indicative of your mindset. Now that you're a unit, you should think of each other that way instead of as two separate halves.

8. 'Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?'

This may seem impossible to some people, and there's certainly no hard-and-fast rule that says you must share passwords and account access after you've been together for a certain length of time. But, if you really trust each other and have nothing to hide, then you should be able to share this personal info without any friction.

Some people want their partner to share their passwords with them so they can be controlling, which is never OK. As long as you're acting out of love and a desire to be completely honest, there's no reason to worry.

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9. 'Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other — without having an overinflated positive view?'

It's great to think highly of your partner, but you also have to maintain a sense of balance. Showing respect for your partner is one of the best ways to demonstrate that you care about them. On the other hand, unrealistic expectations will never be met, which can lead to serious disappointment.

You have to fall somewhere in the middle in your relationship. You should be able to admire each other, but not so much that you become too idealistic. Everyone has flaws, and it's not a good idea to act like that's not true.

10. 'Do your close friends, as well as your partner's, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?'

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It's easy to think that the only person whose opinion of your partner matters is you, but that's not the case. Your friends have known you longer, so they can provide objective insights into the relationship. They want what's best for you, so you can feel comfortable trusting and valuing their opinions.

11. 'Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy, and controlling behavior?'

Any kind of red flag behavior like this should never, ever be tolerated. Someone who treats you that way does not truly care about you, and they're not the kind of person you want to stay close to.

If someone is controlling, it could be a sign that they went through trauma in the past, but that doesn't make the way they're treating you acceptable. Stand by your boundaries and walk away if you need to to avoid getting hurt.

12. 'Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not), and how to parent?'

With how polarized the world has become, many people think that you shouldn't be close to someone who disagrees with you. But you can't possibly agree with any person on every single thing, especially because opinions are bound to shift over time. With matters like politics and religion, it's OK to come from different backgrounds as long as you have a mutual understanding of each other's views and can respectfully disagree.

You should probably make sure you're on the same page when it comes to marriage, kids, and parenting, though. Those are the things that define a relationship, and can very easily put an end to one. You don't want to be together long term just to find out one of you expects a wedding, and the other doesn't.

13. 'Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires, and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?'

Making sacrifices is one of the toughest parts of a relationship, but also one of the most important. There's a fine line here, because research shows that sacrificing is a way to show someone you love them, but can also cause resentment if it's done in abundance.

Sacrifices and compromises are a necessary part of relationships. You have to be honest with yourself in each situation and ask if you're truly willing to do something that may only benefit your partner, and be honest with them too.

14. 'Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?'

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You and your partner have to rely on each other in various situations throughout life, and also just spend a lot of time together in general, so it's good to be with someone whom you actually like. Being emotionally stable in a way that lets you get through the hard times without falling apart will be the secret to your success.

15. 'Are you and your partner sexually compatible?'

Intimacy plays an important role in connecting you as a couple and bringing you closer together, so it should be a priority. Frequent arguments or a lack of communication can get in the way, so it's important to work through those seemingly unrelated issues as well if you want to make it far together.

Answering these questions honestly can help you figure out if your partner is right for you. Not being able to immediately answer every single one with "yes" doesn't mean your relationship is doomed, though. You might still be a good fit, but you have some more work to do.

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Brittany White is a freelance writer who focuses on the latest news and relationships. She has written for Ocean Drive Magazine, Central Florida Feature, and Knight News.