Women Who Desperately Cling To Hope That Their Husband Will Get Nicer Usually Say 7 Sad Phrases
Vitalii Vitleo | ShutterstockThe excuses. The justification of bad behavior. Even taking the blame. You've met one of these women before. Maybe you're her. Women who cling to hope that their husband will get nicer often have an explanation for why he's been so unkind lately. He's stressed about work. He's going through something. He just needs more time. Whatever the explanation, they desperately hold on to the belief that the man they love will eventually start treating them better.
But hoping things will get better doesn't fix his behavior. The American Psychological Association explains that keeping concerns to yourself can make you resentful, which is why making excuses for his behavior instead of talking it through with him won't make either of you any happier long-term. Having hope isn't the problem. The trouble comes when that hope means constantly explaining away his bad or cruel behavior without seeing anything actually change.
Women who keep hoping their husband will get nicer often say these 7 sad phrases:
1. 'He's just stressed out about work right now'
Even if someone's partner is convinced that stress is the reason for their marital problems, how they choose to handle it as a team says a lot about their relationship's well-being. If they're avoiding each other, sweeping concerns under the rug, and making excuses for bad behavior, nothing changes.
When stress and tension keep getting pushed aside, calling it a phase doesn't resolve anything. The problems that hurt her still need to be addressed.
2. 'It's my fault he's angry'
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If a woman paints herself as the reason for marriage troubles or an upset partner, she may feel more in control. She can tell herself that changing something about herself will fix it, rather than waiting for her partner to communicate or take responsibility for his behavior.
Taking all the blame might feel like a way to control the situation in the moment, but it doesn't make her responsible for how her husband treats her. If phrases like this also serve as an excuse, they can leave his hurtful behavior unaddressed. Of course, if phrases like this also serve as an excuse, they're also justifying misbehavior that nobody in their life, including themselves, deserves.
3. 'He's just getting grumpier as he gets older.'
Some women explain away their husband's mood changes and meanness as a byproduct of aging, hoping he'll get through this stage and become easier to live with. At least externally, they use these phrases to cope with shame or guilt that might otherwise filter in. If it's just a phase of getting older, they can tell themselves it isn't a reflection of their relationship.
Of course, calling it "irritable male syndrome" doesn't explain a husband's full emotional picture. Therapist Mike Verano explains that some men grow up learning that anger is acceptable, while sadness, fear, vulnerability, and grief are discouraged. As responsibilities and losses build with age, they may express that distress through anger or irritability.
4. 'He just needs a little more time'
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Alone time in a relationship is healthy. Avoidance in a relationship is not.
If a woman is sweeping issues under the rug to protect the peace and avoiding hard conversations, she may hope that giving him more time will solve problems they still haven't addressed. Maybe she always has an excuse. She might even suggest that they have to get to a certain point or overcome a certain hurdle, and then everything will be fine.
But if her idea of hope is tied to her husband's absence, there are probably already underlying issues.
5. 'I know what kind of man he could be'
Women get caught up in potential all the time, grieving who their husbands used to be or hoping they'll change into what they've envisioned in their minds. Especially for women who're used to picking up the pieces, it might even feel like a challenge to mold him into who she needs him to be.
Marriage and family therapist Annie Wright believes this "not bad enough" trap is actually more common than we realize, keeping women and partners stuck in relationships with people that maybe aren't actively harming them, but certainly aren't right. Wright explains that women who are used to solving problems may assume they can improve their marriage by working harder, but one person can't make up for a partner who isn't putting in the effort.
Taking time to consider what comes next can reflect how seriously they take their commitment, rather than any weakness.
6. 'I know he feels bad'
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Even when her partner isn't actively communicating with her or giving her the time she needs to feel secure, a woman who's holding onto hope that he'll change will make excuses like this. He may never take accountability or reassure her, but she'll put words like this in his mouth to soothe the wound.
"I know he feels bad" is really a personal reassurance, because she's not getting the validation or verbal reassurance she needs from her partner.
7. 'He really needs me right now'
Women stuck in unhappy, mean relationships with men often blame themselves. They might even say things like this, trying to convince themselves that they're wanted and needed by a husband who's struggling, when in reality it's just a clear lack of effort and consideration.
While it might feel like they're finding misguided purpose in hoping and changing their husbands, the reality is that unhappy, unhealthy relationships do more harm to them than to their partners. Their husbands might be able to linger for longer in disconnected, unhappy relationships, but for them, it's a matter of personal health and well-being much sooner.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
