Men Who Need To Be The Victim Usually Say 7 Phrases To Make You Feel Guilty
Ranta Images / ShutterstockOne of the most common tactics men use to manipulate women is playing the victim. When a man is so insecure that the only way he can think of to feel a sense of control in his life is to control his relationship, making the woman in question feel guilty can be highly effective.
Men like this often have a hard time letting go of being the center of attention in any conversation about emotions. As their girlfriend or wife begins to earnestly explain how hurt she feels by his behavior and why, he'll pull out one of his favorite go-to phrases in order to frame the issue as her fault and shut her down completely. Bumping up against these conversational walls over and over again may not seem like a big deal to someone who isn't involved in the situation, but when you're the person on the receiving end, hearing these things said to you over and over again can become debilitating.
When a man needs to be seen as the victim, he'll often use these phrases to make the woman in his life feel guilty
1. “I don’t ask for that much”
This phrase can be especially frustrating when you feel like you've been doing everything possible to take care of the man you love. It can make you pause and second-guess yourself, because what if he's right and you're making everything too big a deal?
A man who uses this phrase is trying to make his needs seem minimal in order to make you believe that what he asks you for is really just the basic requirements in any relationship. More often than not, though, men who say this in order to make a woman feel guilty usually ask for a lot more than most.
When he says this, he's also subtly suggesting that his partner asks for too much. He's trying to paint himself as the bigger person so his partner will feel indebted to him and want to repay his efforts by supporting him rather than questioning him further.
2. “I’m really struggling”
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If a man is having a hard time, he might go to his girlfriend and say he isn’t doing well. Women don’t always have the time to help them at that moment, though. They have their own lives.
If his girlfriend is too busy, a man who is trying to play the victim might tell them he’s “really struggling”. This emphasizes how hard a time the man is going through. Just like most tactics men use to play the victim, it’s meant to guilt-trip someone into dropping everything and helping them.
While playing the victim is bad, this is even worse. It stops their girlfriends from prioritizing themselves. Sometimes men can overuse this, too. If they always seem to be struggling, it might make you feel like you never have the chance to take a break from taking care of them.
3. “This is just like before”
Pretty much everyone experiences something traumatic at some point in their life, and it can really affect them. These situations can come up again later in life and trigger us. Being triggered by trauma in the truest sense of the word can make you feel stressed or isolated. Most women don’t want to make their boyfriends or husbands feel this way, and men who like to play the victim use that fact to their advantage.
When a manipulative man says something you're doing is exactly like whatever traumatic thing he experienced, he hopes you will feel guilty and leave him alone. He may or may not be feeling genuinely triggered by something you said or did, but that doesn't make you responsible for his feelings, no matter how badly he wants you to believe that you are.
4. “You don’t understand what I’m going through”
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When a man wants to distract you from focusing on something he's done wrong, he may tell you that you just don't understand him in order to get you to leave him alone. There will certainly be times when you really don't understand him or what he is saying to you, but a man with genuine intentions and healthy relationship skills will engage in dialogue meant to help you understand him better rather than dialogue meant to shut you down.
It's often the case, however, that you actually do understand him. He just doesn't like that you get him because what you get is that he is doing something hurtful. Saying that you don't understand is his attempt to guilt you into letting him get away with whatever bad behavior is the current problem.
5. “Do you know how hard it is for me to talk about my emotions?”
When people talk theoretically about relationships, one of the most common things many use in defense of men is that our society expects men to swallow their emotions. It's true that many people still think that an emotional man must not be a strong one, and that shouldn't be discounted. However, there are also many men who use this to their advantage.
Social expectations also exist for women. Women are usually expected to be emotionally open caretakers. It’s also seen as an expectation by many men that a woman has a lot of female friends who are open to listening to her. Some men will use this to justify their inability to have open conversations.
6. “Why are you so mad?”
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When my ex-boyfriend would ask me why I was so mad after I had just explained exactly why to him, it would feel incredibly frustrating. If this happens to you, you might want to yell about all the reasons you just listed. But if he says it in a voice that suggests he’s hurt, it can stop you from expressing your frustration in order to keep him happy.
Most women don't really want to hurt the man they love, so they instead turn the blame back on themselves and question why they acted that way.
7. “We always talk about you”
When a woman goes to a man who sees himself as a perpetual victim for help or support, he's unlikely to give her the same kind of support she gives him all the time. Instead, he'll often say, “We always talk about you.”
When a woman has been made to feel guilty for long enough, she's prone to agree with him instead of with her own intuition and believe she is being self-centered. She may feel like she's putting way too much emotional weight on him and ask him for forgiveness without stopping to realize that she is the one who is being neglected.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
