Men Who Stay In Relationships With The Wrong People Usually Say 5 Phrases When They're Scared Of Real Love
Just Life | ShutterstockFor men who tend to gravitate towards relationships with people who are all wrong for them, it's often because they're scared of having something real with another person. Their fear of emotional intimacy holds them back, and it's clear by the phrases they use. "Struggling with emotional intimacy often means [a man's] nervous system learned early on that closeness was risky," explains Eleanor L. Brown, MA, LPC. "[His] body learned to stay alert, guarded, or self-protected in relationships, even before he had words for what was happening."
Men who stay in relationships with the wrong people usually say these phrases that hold them back from finding something real:
1. 'I just always happen to pick the wrong ones'
Mizuno K | Pixels
Sometimes, men don't quite pick the right partners, but noticing this pattern can really help you try to stop it. If you feel like you're constantly picking partners who don't have the same values or are just incompatible, you may be sabotaging yourself.
According to licensed professional counselor Keith Clemson, "Relationship self-sabotage is when you undermine a relationship you want to keep." Clemson explained that this tendency may be related to low self-esteem or a fear of getting hurt. But for others, they may be afraid of having something real. And if that's the case, you're probably not ready for a relationship.
2. 'Real love shouldn't be this difficult'
For men who are afraid of real love, they may view any sign of stability as a red flag. They have it engrained in them that "real love" should be difficult and a constant battle. And though relationships do take hard work, it should never feel unsafe or disrespectful.
Maybe they saw it from their parents growing up or they just believe that nothing good can come to them. When things are going well, men like this think it's too good to be true. They believe that a healthy relationship isn't something they can ever have.
3. 'I'm just trying to help them'
This is the classic "I can fix them" mindset. Men who are afraid of something real in a relationship choose partners they know aren't the most stable. They see themselves as a savior rather than an equal.
Unfortunately, by focusing their energy on their partner's chaotic behaviors or habits, they never have to look at their own relationship patterns. Trying to "fix" their partner is just a distraction so they don't have to deal with their fears.
4. 'No one out there is really loyal anyway'
Matheus Bertelli | Pexels
This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men who are afraid of real love tell themselves that no one is loyal. By doing that, they're holding themselves back from a relationship with an actual loyal person.
Although plenty of people out there are untrustworthy, it takes effort to find someone real. Unfortunately for these men, they convince themselves that every single person is going to cheat or break their heart. They're scared of a relationship so they'll choose to be alone instead. It's way easier than having to face potential pain.
5. 'We should just keep things casual'
When men have this type of thinking, they believe a situationship is going to be more fulfilling than an actual one because of their fears around intimacy and commitment.
Men who want something real but are scared of it will try to have the best of both worlds. They want to be with someone, but with no strings attached. Once there's a label, the stakes are suddenly much higher. Instead of taking a chance, they push away that person, scared to mess things up, even if they won't. It's very sad that they can't get to the root of their problems so they can start enjoying their relationships.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English who researches lifestyle, relationship, and self-help topics.
