People With High Emotional Intelligence Usually Say 8 Phrases When It's Time To Downgrade A Relationship
Emile Mbunzama | UnsplashEmotionally intelligent people rarely get stuck in all-or-nothing patterns of thinking, especially in relationships.
All relationships change over time, just like people do. A close friend might need to be a little further away for a while. When that happens, emotionally intelligent people use these phrases to signal they’re downgrading the relationship but not ending it.
Phrases emotionally intelligent people use to downgrade a relationship
1. ‘I’m going to take a step back’
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When people have had a close relationship, there’s a pretty good chance they weren’t big on enforcing boundaries. It wasn’t like things got toxic. They just trusted each other so much that it didn’t feel necessary.
But boundaries belong in every relationship, no matter how close they are. When someone says they’re taking a step back, it’s very clear that’s what they’re doing, but they aren’t making it a big deal or being mean about it.
This simple phrase sets the precedent for respectful communication without being as involved in each other’s lives, which is the perfect way to downgrade.
2. ‘It’s OK if we aren’t as close as we used to be’
As people move through different stages of life, it wouldn’t make sense for every one of their relationships to remain close. They’ll have to move on from certain people just like they move on from a lot of different things.
Friendship educator Danielle Bayard Jackson said, “Some friendships will stick and some won’t, and it’s not a testament to you and your value or lovability.” Growing apart doesn’t mean someone did something wrong, but it can be helpful to say that clearly instead of just assuming everyone is on the same page.
3. ‘We’re really growing in different directions’
Everyone is constantly growing on a personal level. You can’t expect the people you love to grow in the same way you are, even when you had a super deep connection at some point.
Technically, continuing to evolve isn’t just good for the individual person. It’s also good for their relationships so they don’t get stale. Sometimes, though, the growth really does feel like it’s too much. That’s when emotionally intelligent people know it’s time to point out the difference.
That doesn’t mean it’s time to block each other. But when it's time to let the relationship change naturally, emotionally intelligent people aren't afraid to let the other person know why.
4. ‘I’m not angry, I just need something different’
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No two people are the same, so they can’t want the same things out of life, even when they think very similarly. There might come a time when those values are so different that it doesn’t make sense for them to be a big part of each other’s lives anymore, which is fine.
The most important part of this phrase might be saying that they aren't angry. This really showcases someone’s emotional intelligence because they’re making their point clear while reminding the other person that there’s no negativity there. That’s an important step in preserving relationships instead of ending them.
5. ‘We don’t have to talk every single day’
We all know that friendships are important for our well-being. Researchers confirmed this when they discovered that having one conversation with a friend every day is good for mental health.
The thing is, they were talking about one conversation a day, not one conversation with every friend, so there’s no reason friends have to talk daily, even if that’s what they’re used to. Talking every day could easily get annoying, so the space might be more welcome than expected. That makes this downgrade particularly healthy.
6. ‘We’re in a different season right now’
It’s normal for relationships to change. The problem can come from how we react to those changes. Even good changes can feel hard to accept since humans aren’t always the best at going with the flow.
When someone points out that they’re in a different season than their friend, they’re probably giving voice to something they both already knew. They might not really know how to handle it, but sweeping it under the rug does nothing.
7. ‘There’s no reason we should force ourselves to be the same’
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It’s important to bring up not forcing things to be like they were before because it can be that hard to do that sometimes. People work on improving their self-control to reach important goals all the time.
However, friends who are forcing themselves to remain close when they’re growing apart are just putting themselves through a lot of unnecessary pain. They would be much happier if they let the relationship progress naturally.
8. ‘I don’t have space for this in my life now’
According to licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, PhD, being busy does interesting things to a friendship. Some people find a way to show they still care about the other person, but others let things go until it’s totally one-sided.
It’s really hurtful when people have to acknowledge that one of the main reasons they’ve grown apart from a friend is that only one of them is putting in effort. It would be more emotionally intelligent for someone to be upfront about how much they have going on and how that’s forcing a change in the relationship dynamic.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
