People Who Are Painfully Generic & Bland Usually Use These 4 Casual Phrases When Dating
Peopleimages.com | CanvaAs part of my job as a psychologist and relationship expert, I periodically get online and read online dating profiles, both men's and women's. I rarely come across a profile that impresses me.
Sure, I'm a tough crowd, but that's my job. But while some online dating profiles are truly bad and need to be overhauled immediately, most are decent, except for one common problem: they use generic, bland phrasing that suggests the person behind it hasn't put much thought into how they want to present themselves. This happens in person too.
Generically bland people usually use these casual phrases when dating:
1. 'I enjoy traveling'
This is a generic, bland phrase to use because, well, a lot of people enjoy traveling. Try making this casual phrase more specific:
Where specifically have you traveled? Which destinations do you want to visit in the future? There's a big difference between someone who enjoys a relaxing cruise to the Caribbean and someone who loves to explore a country on a budget.
2. 'I spend a lot of time outdoors'
I live in Colorado, and this is practically a required statement in online dating profiles here. Yet every person has a different idea of what outdoor enjoyment looks like.
Do you walk your dog daily? Hike every weekend? Climb mountains? Barbecue in your backyard? Details, rather than a casually bland phrase like this one.
3. 'I enjoy reading/movies'
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These are popular pastimes. Feel free to mention that you love horror or classics, that you've seen Star Wars twenty times, or that you'd see anything that starred Keira Knightley.
Specific examples, rather than a generic phrase, tell people so much more about you and will generate much more interest.
4. 'I want someone with a sense of humor'
The same goes for "I love to laugh." I've never met anyone who hates laughter or funny people. Yet everyone has a different idea of what's funny and what's not. Sprinkle some humor into your profile or cite examples of funny movies you love. The humor in When Harry Met Sally differs a lot from Dumb and Dumber.
If you're online and not getting many emails or the emails you receive are from people who don't interest you at all, it's likely because your profile uses too many generic, bland phrases and doesn't give people a sense of who you are. As I discuss in my book, Find The Love of Your Life Online, it's much harder for the right person to find you if you don't convey your unique self in your profile.
What does it mean to be bland & generic, though? Generic means you have no clear identity; you're just the everyday person in plain brown wrapping. Sure, you won't annoy or turn people off with a generic statement, but you won't get them clamoring to meet you. Generic is boring, and you're not boring. You're unique and interesting, and the right person is looking for your type.
If you want to succeed in dating, you must highlight what's unique about you and what makes you different from other women. But often, people do the opposite when dating online: they hide anything unusual about themselves, afraid of reducing their number of possible suitors. This "trying to appeal to everyone" strategy will backfire. Instead, you want to appeal to your kind of people. The good stuff is in the details. Why sound generic & bland when you can sound like you?
Christie Hartman is a psychologist, scientist, dating expert, and author who specializes in unraveling the scientific and psychological mysteries behind dating and attraction.
