People In The Happiest Relationships Often Say 5 Old-Fashioned Words Instead Of 'I Love You'
Vinicius Quaresma | PexelsWhile they're the most sought-after three words in English, the phrase "I love you" is a bit vague — and justifiably so.
Human emotions are so fleeting and nebulous that even Shakespeare had to invent a bunch of words in an attempt to describe them. Isn't it amazing how humanity has been spending thousands of years trying to define love?
"I love you" is a symbolic affirmation that implies loyalty and an overwhelming abundance of positive emotion. But it can mean so many things to so many people that it's essentially impossible to communicate the true significance of the word to the other person.
It's not just a feeling, it's a choice every day. Most married couples would agree with this, with a YouGov poll showing that more than seven in 10 married people say that love is a choice. If you tell a person you love them, how do you prove it? Will your idea of proof be the same as theirs? Probably not. But — plot twist — there are five old-timey words far more romantic than "I love you."
The old-fashioned phrase 'I am there for you' is one often used by incredibly happy couples
Lauren Rader / Unsplash
Why are these five old-fashioned words so powerful? Because all we want is someone to be there, even in our darkest hours, to be patient and kind when we need it the most. It's unambiguous. It offers you the opportunity to stand behind your words. It lets your actions speak for you. Saying 'I'm there for you' is a great way to show you love someone.
It also lets the other person know that you really, truly see them and that you would choose them over and over again, no matter what their past is — those actions mean more than any "I love you" ever could. Those actions say "I love you" more than the words themselves.
Saying 'I am there for you' means you're willing to do the work that a relationship requires
It says you can be leaned upon when your partner cannot stand on their own. It's a phrase of giving, rather than receiving.
Sure, "I love you" is another way of saying, "You make me happy." But "I am there for you" is another way of saying, "I'm prepared to do what it takes to make you happy." It's the difference between enjoying a garden and agreeing to help tend it every day — they both provide value in their own way, but the latter will wind up doing so much more.
Being there for each other is also what renowned American psychologist Dr. John Gottman's research has identified as the foundation of lasting relationships. His "bid for connection" framework has found that couples who turn toward each other's small requests for attention — rather than ignoring them — stayed together 86% of the time.
Regardless of intent, the words "I am there for you" are hollow and worthless if you don't back them up. You can sing your love from the mountaintops, but you'll be drowned out if your actions don't reflect that love. Real love is built in the unromantic moments. Real love is about commitment and choice. Real love is about showing up and being there, even when it's easier not to.
Bob Alaburda is a senior editor at dvm360. His writing has appeared in the Huffington Post, Ravishly, and more.
