Men Who String Women Along Usually Say 5 Vague Phrases In Casual Conversation
Masarik | ShutterstockMen who string women along often leave women wondering why they won't commit but still won't let them go.
If you've ever asked yourself, "Why does he keep me around if he doesn't want a relationship?" you're not alone. Many of my clients believe that if their guy won't commit, it's because he's confused about his feelings or that he loves them but feels conflicted. But more often than not, his unwillingness to commit has less to do with confusion and more to do with what he's getting out of the relationship. Guys who string women along often say frustratingly vague things that leave women holding on to hope, even when their actions suggest otherwise.
Men who string women along often say these 5 vague things:
1. 'You're great, but I want to keep my options open'
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At the beginning of the relationship, your guy may have treated you like a queen. He made you feel loved and special, and you want that back so much.
You might be thinking that your guy wants to get back to that place, too, and if you just wait long enough and are nice enough to him, he'll get there. Nope, that's not what he's thinking.
He thinks you're great, because you are, but he knows that you're not who he wants to be with. But he doesn’t want to be alone, so he's keeping you around until he can find someone else. Don’t believe he will ever go back to the beginning and see you as a genuine possibility. If he won't commit but still won't let you go, that ship has sailed.
2. 'We're having fun, so why change anything?'
If you're willing to be with him even if he gives you nothing but breadcrumbs, why would he let you go? If there's a woman available to him with no strings attached, why wouldn’t he take it?
Some people in volatile relationships experience great physical intimacy, especially when arguments are followed by reconciliation. If you're in a place where you're constantly arguing about his behavior, that might keep the physical stuff good. And who wants to let go of great intimacy, especially when he can get it for free?
A 2020 study found that this discrepancy between feelings and actions might indicate a prioritization of immediate gratification or needs over aligning actions with long-term intentions. Holding on to hope for commitment in the face of such a statement can lead to emotional distress and disappointment.
3. 'Why don't we just go back to my place?'
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If a guy wants a girl, he will do anything that he can to keep her. He'll stay in touch with her, spend time with her, tell her that he cares, and do nice things for her. He'll make her feel special and loved.
A guy who doesn’t want to be with a girl but doesn’t have the guts to tell her won't do any of those things. He will give her crumbs. He will be intimate with her and hang out with her when he feels like it, but that's it. And she'll be left begging for those crumbs and convincing herself that they're enough.
Ironically, that guy also doesn’t want anyone else to have her. Why? Because he has it good right now. He can keep his eye open for someone else, have great hookups, let her take care of him, and all the other good stuff that comes with a relationship, without having to give her anything in return.
If your guy is being possessive, don’t assume it’s because he loves you. It’s because he likes what he has with you, for the time being. Wanting to keep you around isn't the same thing as wanting a serious relationship.
4. 'Hey, what are you up to?'
Does your guy reach out to you late at night? Or on a Sunday afternoon? Do you feel special knowing he's thinking about you right before bed or at halftime during the game? Do you use those moments to prove to yourself that he'll come back to you because he still loves you?
Let me tell you, that's not what he's thinking. At bedtime, he's bored, and he knows that you're on the other end of the phone, waiting to hear from him. At halftime, he has nothing to do, so he texts you to keep him busy until the game starts again. If you only hear from him sporadically, what he isn't thinking is that he misses you or wishes you were with him, no matter what he says.
This statement often suggests a lack of emotional connection, a desire for something more, or an unwillingness to put in the effort required for a committed partnership. Research recommends having an open and honest conversation with him about his feelings and your concerns.
5. Or he doesn't say anything at all
Be honest: if you're in a situation where you have a guy who won’t commit but still won’t let you go, do you spend 99% of your day thinking about it? Do you journal, talk to your girlfriends, Google the topic, and obsess about what went wrong? Of course, you do. All women do.
Men don’t do this. If he's not interested in a woman, she's gone from his mind until he's bored. He won’t spend a second processing what happened, what went wrong, or what’s next. He'll live in the moment, thinking about what's important to him.
If guys could process what happened in their relationships, instead of focusing on sports, work, or whatever else they're involved in, then women wouldn’t have to spend 99% of their time wondering what's going on. Why? Because men would be able to talk about how they're feeling, rather than leaving women hanging. And, if that happened, women could move on and find someone who could love them for who they are.
I know you want to believe that if a guy won’t commit but still won’t let you go, he's just conflicted, and that if you just love him enough, he'll come back to you. And I wish that were true, but it isn’t. If a man wants a woman, he'll move heaven and earth to get her.
Otherwise, he might give you a passing thought as he goes about his day, but that’s it. Especially if he's acting in a way that makes you wonder why he won't commit.
Hearing this is painful, but the sooner you can accept it and move on, the more likely you are to find the love you're seeking. And it's out there, waiting for you. So, get a move on.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals striving to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
