Men Who Love Their Wives But Don’t Always Treat Them Right Often Say 6 Deeply Hurtful Phrases
Dmytro Zinkevych | ShutterstockMost wives who are in a healthy relationship adore their husbands and truly want the best for them. However, just like anything in life, relationships aren't always black and white. While wives can truly love and adore their husbands, there are phrases no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him.
It's unfortunate, but many husbands say or do things that unintentionally hurt their partner. From refusing to listen to her to dismissing her needs, these actions, big or small, can build up and slowly end an otherwise beautiful relationship. To avoid this, here are deeply hurtful phrases husbands should avoid.
Men who love their wives but don’t always treat them right often say a few hurtful things:
1. ‘I don’t see why you’re making a big deal out of things’
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Most women want to be heard, and a 2023 study found that feeling heard is the cornerstone of any close relationship. This is why a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I don't see why you're making a big deal out of things."
Ask 90% of women, and they'll tell you that they've been told this phrase at least once in their lives. From different variations like "You're overreacting," women have been made to feel as if their emotions don't matter. That's why uttering this phrase is so damaging.
While husbands might not mean to offend, women are led to feel belittled and disregarded as they feel as if they have no choice but to dissociate. So, instead of saying this, men can try saying, "I can see that you're hurt and frustrated. I love you; please help me better understand why this is bothering you so much."
It sounds simple, but most men don't realize that tone of voice matters. So, if men want to keep their marriage thriving, try being compassionate during these conversations. It's bound to go a much longer way than disregarding her feelings ever would.
2. ‘I don’t have time for this right now’
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Everyone is entirely too busy nowadays. Let's face it: life is getting increasingly expensive, and most couples work hard just to make ends meet. While this is understandably frustrating for many people, it doesn't mean they should put the people they love aside to grind at work.
Regardless of how busy they may be, a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I don't have time for this right now." Understandably, most men feel emotionally exhausted. After hours at work, the last thing they want is to argue with their wives. However, if husbands truly care about their wives, they need to set those frustrating feelings aside in favor of listening and being supportive. Now, is this easier said than done? Of course, but when in doubt, don't be afraid to call for a break.
As licensed therapist John Kim, LMFT, explained, "This doesn't mean avoiding the issue, but rather giving yourself some space to cool down so that you can approach the conversation with a clearer mind." So, next time a husband finds himself in this predicament, say, "Hey, I love you, and I want to hear what you have to say, but right now I'm not in the headspace to have this conversation. Can we please revisit this conversation in an hour?"
3. ‘I didn’t think I needed to tell you’
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Most couples know open, honest communication is the difference between a thriving and a failing relationship. With this in mind, a phrase no wife wants to hear from her husband, no matter how much she loves him, is, "I didn't think I needed to tell you."
Most women want security in their relationship, but it's hard to feel that way when theyn't updated on the most basic things in life. From knowing if their husband paid the electricity bill to wondering if the car's been renewed yet, always remember that it is better to update her than leave her in the dark.
Believe it or not, most people hate being left in the dark. A 2020 study found, "Uncertainty about future events may lead to worry, anxiety, even inability to function." So, when in doubt, send a quick update list from time to time or simply tell her. It is always better to be safe than to accidentally annoy or upset your partner.
4. ‘You need to stop thinking so much’
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If husbands want to completely upset their wives, the quickest way is to say, "You need to stop thinking so much." Most women would love to stop overthinking and feeling anxious about every minor inconvenience in life. But since women are given a load of responsibilities and zero support, they feel as if they have no choice but to overthink.
This sentiment aligns with psychology professor Susan Nolen-Hoeksema’s new book Women Who Think Too Much: How To Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life,in which she states that 57% of women are likely to overthink compared to 43% of men. That said, there is some truth to this. After all, focusing on possible scenarios instead of the present can leave most women stuck in an anxious mess.
So what can husbands do to support them instead of saying this triggering phrase? From deep-breathing exercises to allowing a ten-minute rant to doing something to help take their mind off things, there are many better options than saying this phrase. After all, women can't magically evaporate their worries with a snap of their fingers.
5. ‘I’ll get to it later’
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Understandably, men want to relax and get to chores when they feel like it. But women often have a list of responsibilities; research shows that most emotional labor falls to wives. They aren't intentionally trying to ignore or pressure their husbands. However, they want to cross another worry off their long list of daily concerns. Women also want to feel secure and loved in their relationship. That said, when a man shuts her down and says, "I'll get to it later," she feels unheard and frustrated.
To avoid this, men should either follow through on those responsibilities or be more specific. For instance, in front of their wives, they can put a timer on their phone and say, "Yes, I will get to it in thirty minutes. Is that okay?" Not only are they being more specific with their wording, but they're also asking if it's okay, which makes their wives feel heard and considered.
6. ‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out’
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When most women think of marriage, they picture finding a lifelong partner who can share their burdens. In the past, many women have faced challenges head-on with zero support from those around them. Now married, many women look forward to having someone to lean on during times of distress.
Men might have the best intentions, but this phrase offers no support or guidance. Whether they meant to or not, this phrase lacks the emotional intimacy women need to feel supported and cherished. Even if men don't have the answers, they want their partner to know they're there for them and that they aren't facing life alone.
So, to avoid their wives feeling isolated, men can say, "I know this is stressful for you, and I hear you. Just know that you're not alone, and we will get through this together." Men don't have to have all the answers, but sometimes it takes a little kindness and connection to help women move from feeling alone to feeling supported by their partner.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
