Men Who Don’t Really Love You But Love What You Do For Them Often Do 10 Sketchy Things
LightField Studios | ShutterstockBack when I used to date, one guy really stood out to me. We’ll call him John. He was charming and handsome, with a tongue made of pure silver. With those qualities, he always had a knack for getting me to lend him money, be intimate with him, and just tolerate bad behavior.
But whenever I needed something, he disappeared. Though I loved John, I eventually realized he didn’t love me. He just loved using me. If you are asking yourself, "Is he using me?" and want to avoid dating your version of him, keep an eye out for these signs.
Men who don’t really love you often do a few sketchy things:
1. He asks you to foot the bill for literally everything
I've had this happen with both John and another guy. Both times, "I'll pay you back" turned into "Well, things are still tight. Why are you so stingy?" I eventually realized that they did this on purpose so that they could gain my trust enough to basically let them mooch off of me.
I'm not saying the man has to pay every time, but it would be nice. A NerdWallet poll found that 78% of men don't mind paying on the date.
Users don't like their walking ATMs stopping the flow. This means they will do whatever it takes to keep that line open, and that often means trying to "train" you into doing what they want by reacting negatively when you say no.
Things like verbal abuse, stonewalling, threats, or cold-shouldering are often used by both users and abusers to get their way. This is a sign that you are better off single.
2. He makes you seem unreasonable when you ask for even the smallest thing
This is a bad dynamic overall. If you have to beg, plead, and try to "sell" the idea of a guy being there for you, you need to leave him and cut him off. Why bother with helping him out if he’s unwilling to do the same for you?
3. He's charming to the point that it's hard to say no
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John would probably make a killing as a salesman. Most guys who use girls for money, intimacy, or connections flex their charm muscles because they know people will give them more if they charm them.
4. He makes you perform to keep his attention
A lot of guys who use girls take a sick pleasure in seeing girls chase after them, beg for their attention, and jump through hoops to please them. Make no mistake about it, this kind of behavior is abuse.
5. He tries to push your boundaries or get you to make an exception for him
A healthy relationship respects boundaries. If he whines about boundaries or keeps pushing for you to drop one for him, you need to dump him. At best, a guy who does this is disrespectful and is trying to use you to meet his needs. At worst, this indicates he’s an abuser waiting to get you to a point of weakness.
6. He has entitlement issues
Does he seem to think that people are required to do things for him, just because he’s there? Entitlement and using go hand in hand, you know.
7. He takes things without asking because he 'didn't think you'd mind'
No, he knew you’d mind. He just didn’t care and figured it was easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for it.
8. He has a history of treating women badly
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Whether it's using them for intimacy or money doesn’t matter. Users will use anyone who allows them into their circles. This is because, no matter how much you give a user, they’ll want more, more, more.
9. He won't commit and keeps coming up with excuses as to why
Assuming that he's not with you for your money or inheritance, most guys who are looking to use women won’t commit to them. Commitment means giving something up, and users want to have their cake and eat it too.
10. Deep down, you know he's using you
He makes it clear that if you don't give him what he wants, someone else will. Hearing this is heartbreaking on so many levels. Any guy who would say this or even hint at it isn't worth your time. Trust me on this one.
After a while with John, I couldn't lie to myself anymore. That was the moment I realized I couldn't deal with him anymore, and ever since, I walked away whenever he tried to approach me.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has appeared in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and other publications.
