You Know Someone Isn't Right For You If They're Willing To Say 7 Things When They Talk About You
Just Life | ShutterstockFinding the right partner isn't an easy task. It might feel like everything about them is perfect, until you realize they're not the person they said they were.
People who look out for toxic warning signs pay attention to how their partner talks about them when they're not around. There are certain things a good partner will never say about you, and if they do, they're not the person you should be with.
Someone isn't the right person for you if they say these things when they talk about you
1. 'They're not as fun as my ex'
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A partner who compares you to others is not the right partner to keep around. By saying something like this, it's making their current partner seem inadequate to them.
Their behavior is cultivating a toxic relationship that will get worse over time. Because when people make comparisons in their relationships, it creates resentment and insecurity.
As licensed mental health counselor Megan Haase explained, "When couples compare their relationship or partner to others, it can often lead to dissatisfaction, resentment, and hopelessness in both partners. Comparing your partner to someone else erodes the sense of commitment and stability in the relationship."
2. 'I'm not sure which they'd prefer'
It means a lot when a person notices what their partner likes and the tiny details about them. It shows that they care about this person on a deep level. But when someone says, "I'm not sure which they'd prefer," it means they don't really know the person they're with.
They're not paying attention to what their partner does or says. It can make it seem like they don't have anything in common beyond surface-level things.
When someone doesn't know basic things about their partner and never makes the effort to learn, they're also not invested in getting to know them. Over time, that lack of attention and curiosity leaves their partner feeling invisible.
3. 'They're dumb'
We all have moments where we make a mistake or get something wrong. A good partner will laugh it off and not let it change their opinion of the person they're with. But bad partners are more critical.
Someone who describes you as "dumb" is trying to change the way other people see you. If they do it often enough, it's likely intentional. Name-calling is incredibly hurtful because not only is it related to one error, but it's a general judgment of you.
It's an indicator that someone isn't right for you. Breaking down your confidence is toxic and abusive, and someone who does that to you isn't a good match.
4. 'I'd like them more if they...'
Sometimes, people need to rant to their friends about something going on in their relationship. It's healthy because your partner shouldn't be the only person you go to for support, especially when you need space.
But it can become a problem if a partner is always talking to their friends about what you could be doing better. It shows they aren't appreciative and won't acknowledge all the things you've done for them. They're focusing on your faults instead of celebrating your positive traits.
They're offering conditional love, which isn't real love. Their affection is dependent on what you do for them, and may even use your love for them to control you.
5. 'They're annoying, but I still love them'
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Every relationship has moments where partners get on each other's nerves, but that doesn't mean you should tell other people about it in a negative way. If someone feels the need to acknowledge your flaws before stating their relationship with you, they might be embarrassed.
They're likely concerned with what other people think, but that doesn't mean they should project their own insecurities. If someone says their partner is annoying, they're trying to distance themselves. They want to avoid being judged, even while they say they care for you.
It's manipulative and the right person for you wouldn't do that. They'd stick up for the one they love, even when they're not around. They don't feel the need to justify their relationship to boost their own image.
6. 'I don't get why they're so upset'
When someone is talking about their partner's emotions, they should offer empathy and grace, especially when it's in a conversation with others. They're talking about their partner's feelings without permission, and it's quite an uncomfortable feeling for someone when everyone knows their business.
Even if they told their partner it's okay, they still shouldn't say "I don't know why they're so upset" to their friends and family. This phrase invalidates their partner's emotions and makes them seem irrational.
Someone could internalize that and think they really are dramatic, or change the way they think about that person, all without any evidence. Relationships are about opening yourself up and not worrying that your partner will portray you in such a negative light.
7. 'I need them'
It's nice to feel needed, and most people would say they want their partners to feel that way. But an overly clingy partner can create a toxic dynamic.
Both people could fall into a codependent relationship where their partner is the priority. The whole basis of the relationship's connection becomes based on how much their partner can do for them, or vice versa.
Unfortunately, people in codependent relationships report much lower satisfaction with their partners and their life. A partner who is overly dependent on you only makes you feel unhappy, not truly loved.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
