Gen Z Has A Brand-New Standard For Quiet Quitting A Relationship & Older Generations Don't Get It
MDV Edwards | ShutterstockQuiet quitting a relationship can look a lot like quiet quitting a job: reducing effort and doing just the bare minimum to get by. Popularized in workplace conversations about protecting time and energy, the term also describes what happens when someone stops investing in a romantic partnership without actually ending it. As counselor and professor Suzanne Degges-White explains, a partner can keep showing up physically while putting very little into the relationship.
For Gen Zers who know a relationship isn't working, this can mean lowering their effort and dodging uncomfortable conversations instead of just breaking up. The relationship still exists, but the effort that once held it together is fading.
These 7 Gen Z behaviors show what 'quiet quitting' a relationship looks like, and why older generations just don't understand it:
1. They stop making plans and reaching out first
If they don’t live together or see each other on a daily basis, Gen Zers tend to disconnect digitally first, since most of their communication happens online. They're never sending the first text. "Good morning" and "How's your day going?" are rarities. If they do plan dates and see each other, it's because their partner made the plan first.
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Unfortunately for Gen Zers who are chronically online, technology amplifies this disastrous disconnection whether they're together or not, according to relationship psychology expert Claudia Six. "I've seen partners sit side by side, yet miles apart, their connection hijacked by screens. It starts small — a missed glance, a postponed conversation — but compounds into isolation."
2. They keep their concerns and emotions to themselves until they start to become resentful
It's natural for couples to go through disconnected seasons and to sometimes grow apart, but a complete lack of presence, consideration, and intention is what experts from a 2025 study call a relationship's point of no return.
Instead of coming into conversations ready to share concerns and emotions, Gen Zers quietly disconnect from their parents and sweep everything under the rug. If conversations and quality time are already unfulfilling, sparking a conflict or argument feels like the last thing on their agenda.
Of course, the more emotions they suppress and hard conversations they avoid, the more resentment grows and festers. At some inevitable point, when they surface, all these issues come out — usually in ways that create more division and mistrust than understanding.
3. They do small things to dismiss their partner's concerns
Even if they're actually doing the bare minimum in their relationship (showing up when they have to and doing the least-effort things to skate by without any accountability), Gen Zers will often intentionally make a partner doubt their concerns. Instead of saying "I'm not feeling this anymore," they say things like "Did you forget I did this for you?" or "Would so-and-so's partner do this for them?"
Counselor and professor Suzanne Degges-White explains that quiet quitting is all about putting out the least possible energy to get by. "You want to spend as little time as possible with your partner — doing only things on the 'required' list."
4. They avoid affection because it starts to feel like a chore
No more goodbye kiss when they leave the house. Swerving hand-holding and hugs. Going to bed at different times to avoid the closeness that comes before bedtime. If someone's avoiding an inevitable end, their heart is likely already distant, and they're perceiving the relationship as a mental obligation.
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The overthinking, intellectualizing, and transactional mentality turns on, and the heart takes a few steps back. Even if this avoidance isn't obvious at first or noticeable in small moments, it takes a toll.
"Imagine returning home, craving affection or connection, yet being met with indifference," psychotherapist Moshe Ratson explains. Over time, those attempts to connect with each other become less and less and are replaced by resentment or emotional withdrawal, which makes both partners feel isolated and hopeless.
5. They compare their relationship to others and fantasize about being single
While an older married couple or boomer partnership may adopt a more distant dynamic in a relationship that's not working out, leaving isn't an obvious choice to fantasize about. They may daydream, but the marriage values and expectations they've been socialized into also bring shame and guilt into conversations about separation.
However, a Gen Zer who's doing the bare minimum to get by fuels their heart and daydreams as a coping mechanism. Not only is it easier to compare their life and relationship to others online, but the alone time they carve out for themselves also makes it easy to pretend their life is different. Even if they're uncertain, they're practicing the end of it, without doing the work of leaving.
"A relationship's function is largely to makewhat'sparties happier and provide richer and better lives. When it fails to do so, there's little point in continuing," therapist Kelly P. Crossing says, but quiet quitters stick around despite it all.
6. They put up emotional walls and stop sharing with their partner
When you're struggling in a relationship, it's draining. You don't have the same energy to bring to conversations, and conflict can feel impossible to create space for. That's where the deflection and avoidance come in, at the expense of everyone involved.
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For a quiet quitter, those emotional walls are protective. They can put in the smallest amount of tangible effort and time possible, while also protecting their energy for the things they actually care about.
According to marriage and family therapist Claudia De Llano, they often "have no interest in your thoughts and feelings or what you've been up to. You'll notice that they share less about themselves and their life too."
7. They give their phone more attention than their relationship
Cell phones can be detrimental to relationships, but they can also pull attention away from even the most mundane conversations and interactions. They're energy seekers, and when you keep them in your hands or on the table, you put pressure on conversations that may already be uncomfortable and difficult.
For someone who's unhappy in their relationship, distractions are likely a defense mechanism. They prefer to avoid being uncomfortable by looking at their phone or pretending to be busy, so they don't have to confront their lack of effort or the awkwardness with a partner.
The less effort they have to put in, the better. Avoidance, it is!
Not every Gen Zer handles relationships this way, but avoiding a scary breakup can feel easier than admitting things just aren't working. Older generations have a harder time relating to how that distance plays out through unanswered texts and time spent scrolling, even if they recognize the fear behind it. Sometimes, it takes age and experience to learn that an honest conversation, however uncomfortable, can be kinder than leaving someone guessing.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
