You Can Usually Tell A Couple's Relationship Won't Last Very Long By 7 Things They Do On A Daily Basis
Chermiti Mohamed | PexelsWhen we think about the qualities that make a relationship last, it's things like good communication and trust, or respect and empathy. Being able to work through problems and understand each other's needs creates a foundation for a loving relationship.
However, according to therapist Dr. Nicole LaPera, there are some things couples do daily that indicate their relationship won't last. Because these actions inevitably affect its longevity.
If a couple does these things on a daily basis, their relationship won't last very long
1. They make worst-case assumptions
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As LaPera explained, when one partner makes assumptions like this, "they assumed their partner's intentions were malicious or negative. Instead of being curious, they were accusatory." She pointed out that this behavior is common with C-PTSD, which is why trauma healing in relationships is important.
Communication and understanding are essential in a relationship, because unless you confront your partner about things they've said or done, you won't get the full story. It's always better to care about how your partner feels rather than assume, as a premature decision like this can cause harm.
2. They have no boundaries with family
Boundaries are essential in any relationship because it lets others know what's not okay and helps build trust and respect. But as LaPera revealed, couples who share relationship issues with their family members and, in turn, have family members involve themselves in their relationship troubles, only make things worse for a couple.
This creates a lack of trust between partners that results in friction in their relationship. While it's fine to discuss problems with your family as a way to come to a solution, it's also important to remember that your family members are not in your relationship.
3. They never fight
We often glorify couples who never fight. We think it's because they're just so in love and have no problems. But it's actually not healthy when couples don't fight.
If you truly love and care about someone, fighting with them is normal. Because only through disagreements can you resolve problems.
"This usually comes from one partner avoiding or suppressing their issues," LaPera observed. "When one partner would finally reach their boiling point, the other partner would be confused because they seemingly never disagreed."
It's better to confront something if it bothers you instead of avoiding it completely. At some point, it's going to come out, and by that moment, it may be too late to control the fallout.
4. One person is the 'pusher'
LaPera offered an explanation and example of this behavior. "One person was pushing another to act or change themselves, and the other had no interest. This leads to resentment because one partner feels like a project," she said.
While the "pusher" may have good intentions and want to see their partner reach their full potential, no one should force someone else to change who they are. Part of being in a healthy relationship is accepting your partner, flaws and all. So, by wanting to change someone completely, it's likely you're not happy.
5. They have unrealistic expectations
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There should always be good moments in a relationship, but it's naive to think that the entirety of a relationship will be rainbows and sunshine. There will be challenging times when your partner might be going through something and you will have to show up in ways that you never thought you'd have to.
A mature, healthy relationship comes with ups and downs, and it's important to remember this when things are especially hard. But as LaPera revealed, couples who "struggle with maturity and the awareness that relationships, like life, can be difficult or boring."
A relationship should have its exciting moments, but sometimes, the mundane moments are just as important.
6. They don't let little things go
LaPera described this behavior as "low frustration tolerance and rigid ways of interacting." She added, "Without discernment to know when to focus on it, they became highly critical and draining to each other."
It's important to address any serious problems or issues that arise in your relationship, but sometimes, we need to become comfortable with letting the tiny things go. The things that are out of our control don't need to always be addressed, and it's helpful to pick your battles.
As etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore explained, "Healthy relationships hinge on a couple's ability to know which issues are worth fighting over and which ones are worth letting go."
7. They don't know how to repair their relationship
"In relationships, we will hurt people," LaPera said. "Repair is the act of apologizing, listening (even when it's hard), and promising to do better." But when couples don't know how to repair, it's because there's deflection and defensiveness.
Even if you didn't intend a negative result, actions can sometimes end up hurting your partner's feelings. Unfortunately, for couples who do this on a daily basis, their relationship likely won't recover because they aren't taking steps towards resolution.
They may not want to apologize because it might be a hit to the ego. But apologies have the power to mend relationships and change them for the better. Putting your feelings aside to tend to your partner should always be the most important thing.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
