10 Things Gen Z Finds Unappealing About The Way Their Parents Raised Them
Maples Images / ShutterstockIn many ways, the childhood experiences and foundational memories of Gen Z people shape their approach to life.
It’s not solely their parents' fault, but there are certainly things Gen Z really didn't like about how their parents raised them and many believe these behaviors had an impact on the entire trajectory of their lives.
Gen Z finds these very specific things unappealing about the way their parents raised them:
1. Not having a safe space for emotions
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“You’ll be fine” and “I’ll give you something to be upset about” were just a few of the invalidating phrases Gen Z kids heard at home from parents who also didn’t have a safe space to ask for help or express their emotions with their own parents growing up.
While Gen Z adults are far less likely to buy into stigmas around mental health, they still face tension between themselves and their parents today regarding these issues. They often feel a constant clash between what their therapists and friends tell them is healthy and what their parents do.
2. Being overworked and overscheduled already as kids
As young as they still are, Gen Z has already spent a large portion of their lives feeling overworked and overscheduled. They were held to unrealistic expectations when it came to grades and social activities, told to prepare for college early, and expected to manage all kinds of extracurricular activities to do it all.
To please their millennial and Gen X parents, they felt they needed to prove themselves through accomplishments, which meant they lacked much of the unsupervised time they needed to thrive. This not only gave rise to the aforementioned anxiety and mental health concerns, but it also created long-term resentment when the promises they were offered in exchange for all of that work never materialized.
The colleges they attended didn’t give them an advantage in the workforce. They took on debt that keeps them in financial shackles today. And now they’re told they’re not doing enough by parents they see as having essentially walked into a job after getting a degree. Now they’re managing all of this today, often from under the same roof.
3. Not being allowed to spend time unsupervised
Unstructured, unsupervised play is so essential for kids on so many levels. For Gen X, it’s part of the reason why they’re as independent, hard-working, and resilient as they are today. They were given the freedom to figure things out and fill their time without a parent always looking over their shoulder.
However, many Gen Zers find the kind of overprotective parenting style that those same Gen X parents raised them with unappealing. They’re resentful that they weren’t allowed to spend more time outside or encouraged away from technology, even when they were excited to do exactly that as kids.
4. Rarely having any privacy
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As soon as they were given cell phones, Gen Z got used to being tracked by their parents and having their phones searched. While their millennial and Gen X parents were only being protective, coping with new safety worries and anxiety about their children growing up in a far more complicated digital world than they did, their snooping taught their kids to be secretive and sheltered. Every time they checked in or crossed a boundary, they essentially told their kids, “I don’t trust you.”
Of course, safety measures, especially online in today’s world, are essential. However, overprotective parents tend to take it a step too far, sparking resentment and anxiety in their kids in ways that frustrate everyone.
5. Being guilted into helping
So many Gen Xers and millennials were raised by parents who equated hard work with love. When they sacrificed time at home and spent long hours at work, it all fed back into their strong family values, even if they didn’t directly express that to their families and kids in actual words.
Despite missing out on that active, vulnerable love with their parents at home, Gen X parents still carried lingering elements of transactional parenting into their own families.
They said things like “After everything I’ve done for you?” and “I must be a terrible parent” to guilt their kids into doing what they wanted, not realizing in the moment that they were repeating the same generational cycle in a new way.
6. Being praised for being an easy child
While being an easy child growing up can come with a lot of external validation and praise, it rarely leads to a child developing deep emotional intelligence. These eldest siblings and good kids grow up seeking praise and value by suppressing emotions and never asking for what they need.
They learned early on that praise and love from parents were associated with neglecting their own needs, or, at the very least, not bringing them up around parents. As adults, many Gen Zers have formed new ideas about mental health and emotions, but may still grapple with guilt and shame for seeking support because of their experiences as kids.
7. Getting lectures instead of support
Despite having had the opportunity to make and learn from their mistakes as kids, many Gen X and millennial parents have struggled to let go of the wheel in the same way with their own kids. They stepped in to make sure things were done right the first time and lectured their kids instead of offering support to them while letting them figure things out on their own.
Looking back, Gen Zers find it annoying now that their mistakes were demonized when their parents made so many at the same age. They felt held to a higher standard than was possible, especially for someone their age. Their parents wore their independence like a badge of honor, but neglected to allow their own kids to have the kinds of lessons and experiences that actually helped them develop it.
8. Not being supported creatively
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Even with their own focus on independent thinking, many Gen X parents ironically didn’t offer their kids the same kind of unsupervised childhoods full of experimentation that had shaped that mindset in their own lives. Instead, many pressured their Gen Z kids to take the safe route, whether that meant going to college or finding a practical job with a high-paying salary. They may not have believed in climbing the corporate ladder, but they still collectively had traditional ideas about security.
Many Gen Zers, who now appreciate the most creative jobs and unexpected industries, are resentful that their parents didn’t encourage them to take more risks and go on more adventures. They’re still working through their own guilt about not entering corporate America or following in their parents' footsteps, and feel like they have to prove they’re successful to parents who don’t accept their life choices.
9. Their take on inclusivity
We all have our own unique beliefs and value systems, but Gen X tends to share a collective sense of inclusivity. Especially with their competitive spirit and lingering boomer work ethic, they’re definitely interested in equality, with many seeing themselves as color blind and focused on a bootstrap mentality.
Compared to Gen Zers, who are more interested in equity and are therefore race-conscious and thoughtful about people’s unique situations. These differing belief systems in our polarizing society can cause tension between parents and their adult children, often stemming from lingering childhood frustrations over screaming matches they had as teenagers that left them feeling they had to defend their innate beliefs, leading to riffs that become core memories.
10. Being detached from a sense community
Although it wasn’t always intentional, the cynicism and hyper-independence of Gen X may have created certain stressors for their Gen Z children. It may even have contributed to their collective isolation and loneliness.
Gen Z kids were taught to rely on themselves and to be somewhat competitive for their own well-being. While that might’ve prompted success for some, it also strained relationships and made it harder for Gen Zers to find community.
Now, there are even fewer third spaces and even more financial barriers to Gen Zers appreciating this kind of social connection. So, on top of loneliness, they’re also battling resentment and a frustration with the competitive mindset their parents have instilled in them.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
