People Who Constantly Feel Embarrassed Usually Learned 7 Rough Lessons As Kids
Anastasiya Nedohonova / ShutterstockWe all have insecurities that make it harder to feel confident at times. My biggest insecurity is that I am constantly embarrassing myself. Feeling that way makes me second-guess what I say or how I’m acting. I get so self-conscious that I sometimes find myself acting like someone I’m not.
It might sound strange to someone who doesn't get it, but there are perfectly reasonable explanations for why people like me may feel like we can't get things right. Most of the time, they learned toxic lessons when they were younger that caused them to have this belief about themselves.
If someone almost always feels embarrassed, they usually learned these rough lessons growing up
1. There's something wrong with them
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If you feel embarrassed all the time, you’re probably not very confident in who you are. Some people try to change their behavior so they can act like whatever they think just enough looks like. Changing who you are rarely works to make you feel more confident, though. You have to change how you see yourself.
Kids who were raised to be embarrassed easily were taught that they didn’t do things the way normal people did or that their behavior was wrong. They were either too loud or too energetic, and when they were scolded for it, it created a deep-seated insecurity that there is something inherently wrong with them.
2. They're too emotional
One of the biggest contributors to why I feel so easily embarrassed is my emotions. I tend to be a little sensitive, and it makes me get upset about everything. Even when my life is going great, I’ll start crying if my friend’s dog dies or they get fired.
A lot of people who feel this way were called dramatic when they were little, but hurting when others are in pain isn’t dramatic. It’s actually a big signal of empathy. Still, these people believe they feel too much or too deeply, and therefore they are easily ashamed of being sensitive.
3. It's better to be quiet
Another thing that makes me anxious about being embarrassed is someone telling me to be quiet. I was kind of a talkative kid, and so I was always told I should listen. That’s a good rule in general, but when kids are told to be silent all the time, they can start to internalize the message. They may think they talk too much and that everyone’s sick of listening to them. They’ll start to believe it’s better to be quiet even when they’re in a situation where they don’t have to be, like at dinner with friends.
Some kids also think they should be quiet because their parents made them feel silly when they did speak. They were mocked for stating the obvious or being told they aren’t funny. It’s made them feel like they should be quiet to avoid being made fun of again.
4. They only deserve conditional love
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A lot of people who find them embarrassed often believe it because their parents didn’t give them the kind of unconditional love they deserved as a kid. Maybe their parents always complained they were too needy. Then, when they needed something, they’d be super sweet to make sure their child helped them.
Kids raised in that environment grew up experiencing conditional love. It manipulated them into trusting their parents that they’ll be kinder in the future. It also teaches them that they don’t deserve to be cared for and nurtured unless they behave a certain way and keep other people happy, no matter the cost to their own sense of self.
5. They should be able to handle their problems on their own
People who were taught that they should be ashamed of themselves usually grew up not trusting their parents to be reliable. Their parents probably overemphasized independence, or the kid learned it from them not being there. If their parents made excuses about why they’re unable to help them, that kid will probably grow up to think they have too many issues.
They’ll feel like a burden if they go to their friends for advice. They’ll probably tell themselves that their problems are their problems and it’s their responsibility to handle them, which prevents them from getting some pretty valuable advice.
6. It's okay for people to ignore their needs
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When kids grow up having their needs ignored by their parents, they start to accept bad behaviors from other people as well. Say a girl who feels like embarrassed easily has a boyfriend who never makes time for her. She may feel hurt, but she won’t necessarily blame him because she’s been raised to believe it’s okay for people to ignore her needs.
These kinds of people grew up devaluing their needs because they already felt ashamed to ask for more. When they believe they require too much, they start to ignore their needs as well. This can cause them to stop taking care of themselves and run into some serious physical and mental health issues.
7. They should make themselves smaller so other people can feel important
People who feel constantly embarrassed usually also have the belief that they take up too much space. They think they take up too much of people’s time or emotional energy, even when their friends don’t feel the same way. This insecurity can show up in their body language, affecting the way they move.
They may get super excited and start taking up a lot of physical space, and when they realize it, they get nervous and start to shrink themselves. They may also slump their shoulders or cross their arms. Because they think they’re always overdoing it, they want to take up less room in order to avoid being noticed and criticized for it.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
