People Who Were Raised With Basic Decency Refuse To Say 11 Common Phrases That Reek Of Rudeness
CarlosBarquero | ShutterstockHow your parents raised you can say a lot about your behavior and character. Those raised without proper manners may become combative and often selfish and entitled toward others. They impulsively say things that hurt those around them and expect forgiveness just because they said them in a moment of anger.
People who choose their words carefully understand that even a small phrase can impact how others feel. So if your parents raised you right, you'd likely never say common phrases that dismiss or demean others.
People who were raised with basic decency refuse to say these rude phrases:
1. 'Whatever'
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Certain sayings are dismissive and downright disrespectful to use in public spaces. Stating "Whatever" after an argument makes it look like you lack accountability. In the professional world, it's so rude that you could be let go for saying it during a meeting when your boss or a coworker is trying to talk with you. It's an immature and juvenile phrase that signals to people to leave you alone.
Being raised right means learning how to speak with kindness and being considerate of others. It takes emotional intelligence to speak respectfully to others even when you are frustrated or stressed out. According to a survey by Preply, 35% of workers found that the most important attribute of emotional intelligence in the workplace is empathy. People raised with emotional intelligence at home are acutely aware of this.
2. 'I told you so'
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This phrase speaks volumes about how maturely you handle disagreements. Those raised to be competitive will take being right to an extreme. One study found that mindful communication in intimate relationships is important, especially when power dynamics are involved.
Expressions like "I told you so" serve as tools for negotiating relational power, which can undermine trust and emotional connection between partners. Instead of pointing fingers, a person who was raised the right way wouldn’t be so quick to shame their partner, but instead would know that everyone makes mistakes. Being in a healthy relationship means letting your partner be right sometimes so you can balance the power in the relationship.
3. 'That's not my problem'
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Parental values often shape who we become as adults. When we are more willing to cooperate with others and take on responsibilities, it shows our parents did a great job raising us. A study by the Society for Research in Child Development found that parental warmth and positive expressiveness were directly linked to children’s empathy-related responses and social competence.
Those who didn't grow up with this kind of positive reinforcement now see everyone's problems as separate from their own. They immediately tell people their problems aren't theirs to deal with and that they should solve them on their own. The problem with this is that it lacks humanity and a sense of community. As social creatures, we all work together to help each other overcome adversities, not abandon one another in our time of need.
4. 'You always do this'
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Saying this to someone generalizes their actions and labels them unfairly. This turns a moment of frustration into an attack on their character. According to the International Association for Cross-Cultural Psychology, using you-statements can provoke defensiveness and escalate conflicts between people. It shows you have some animosity toward them, and they feel blamed for something that isn't a serious issue to them.
People who were raised right don't put others in a position where they have to defend themselves. They understand that words are powerful enough to build others up or tear them down. Thinking before you speak is one of the easiest ways to handle personal conflicts because it lets you talk in a calmer state. Throwing in accusations or bringing up character flaws will make you seem immature and spiteful.
5. 'Calm down'
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Rather than de-escalating the tensions, people who weren't raised right will escalate them further by saying things that they know will agitate the other person. Telling someone to calm down implies that their reaction is a problem that must be fixed. Emotionally invalidating responses like dismissing someone's feelings or minimizing their emotional experience can lead to increased aggression in them.
To deal with people like this, it's better to stand firm on your boundaries and tell them that what they are saying is harmful to you. You don't need to match their energy or get pulled into the escalation. Instead, assert your needs and make it clear that respectful communication is the only way forward.
6. 'That's not fair'
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Parents who instill strong values like gratitude and accountability raise kids who never say something isn't fair. This is because they are raised not to expect the world to cater to them. People who were taught to handle disappointment with maturity tend to focus on problem-solving rather than fairness. They can interpret and understand others' emotions. This is what separates people raised with warmth and emotion from those raised without it.
According to a study published in the Industrial Psychiatry Journal, authoritarian and permissive parenting styles resulted in lower emotional intelligence in children. Children who were controlled like this will not find satisfaction in different aspects of their lives because they cannot look beyond themselves and their needs. In this situation, you can only remind them that the world doesn't revolve around them and what they want.
7. 'No offense'
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People who usually say "No offense" tend to say it after saying something incredibly offensive. What is meant to be a light-hearted ribbing can be more damaging than we realize. It's a form of passive-aggressive behavior that dismisses their skills, character, or identity. They may have heard the offense before, which can trigger a past traumatic experience.
As John Staddon, Ph.D., explains, a person's past experiences shape their reactions to certain situations, particularly in the context of perceived offenses. This can lead to misinterpretations between people when confronted with unfamiliar situations. Staddon also notes that it's important to take in different perspectives before reacting to potential offenses. Those raised to be considerate of others were taught that if you wouldn't want it said to you, then you probably shouldn't say it to someone else.
8. 'You wouldn't understand'
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People who weren't taught how to regulate their emotions when they were young might instinctively tell others that they could never understand what they are going through. But you can understand what someone might feel about an experience without experiencing it yourself. That is what having empathy is all about.
Those who choose to be empathetic often come from households where feelings were shared rather than suppressed. Instead of brushing someone off, they take the time to listen to their perspective and support them. Respectful communication means inviting others into your experience instead of shutting them out with a phrase like this.
9. 'You're too sensitive'
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Telling someone they are too sensitive dismisses their experiences and feelings, which can be completely valid. Those raised to look out for themselves rather than others often use this phrase to shut down criticism aimed at them. This is often because when they were young, a parental figure did the exact same thing to them. Invalidation at a young age can have long-lasting effects well into adulthood. People who were raised right look at sensitivity as a strength because it takes courage to be vulnerable with others.
10. 'I don't care'
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Telling someone you don't care, whether directly or indirectly, can be disastrous to the relationship. Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., explained that dismissive language can create emotional distance and lower relationship satisfaction. It's also considered rude when someone is trying to share their thoughts and feelings with you.
People who were raised right are taught to respect others, even during disagreements. You don't just walk away because the topic isn't interesting to you. Unfortunately, people who say they don't care like this do so because their parents didn't teach them to think before they speak. Making people feel heard and seen means listening to their opinions, even if they're different from yours.
11. 'You're wrong'
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While calling out misinformation can feel satisfying, it can also shut down a meaningful conversation or debate. People who weren't raised right criticize others harshly and enjoy the confrontation it brings. They revel in the discourse of proving people wrong.
People who were raised right, on the other hand, know better. Instead of bluntly correcting someone, they offer a gentler approach that suggests another perspective. They know subtle ways to show someone they are wrong without being condescending. People who were raised right know this truth because they were taught to listen actively and not judge others solely by their viewpoints or values.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She writes about self-help, relationships, culture, and human-interest topics.
