People Who Grew Up Feeling Loved & Accepted Usually Had Parents Who Did 3 Things Very Well
JLco Julia Amaral | ShutterstockAs parents, all you want is the best for your kids, and you'll likely do anything to get them there. But knowing how to help your kids feel loved in a way that will give them the lifelong confidence to take on the world isn't easy. Most of us either overdo it or fall short.
So, how can you help your kids feel a better sense of belonging in this world? Attachment therapist Eli Harwood explains the three ways to help your child feel a sense of belonging in this world in a helpful, inspiring video.
Kids who were raised feeling loved and accepted had parents who did these things right:
1. They taught them emotions are OK
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The first step is to make sure your children feel loved and accepted regardless of their emotional states. But what does this mean?
Your child is going to have bad days. They'll have days where they feel sad or hopeless. How we react as parents is what matters. Often, when our children are in an off mood, we react negatively. We yell, sigh, roll our eyes, or ignore our children during their emotional episodes. I get it; we don't always want to deal with a temper tantrum.
However, what message do we send when we ignore them during their time of need? Or, when they act up? We essentially say their difficult emotions are too burdensome for us to handle.
What message should we send instead? According to Harwood, our children should know, "They do not need to perform in order to be connected to us."
2. They prioritized time together and enjoyed it
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"The heart of felt belonging is feeling wanted in the room," Harwood noted. Unfortunately, most parents miss the mark on this one.
Parents have a lot going on right now. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 66% of families have both parents working. It undoubtedly can feel like there's not enough time for the kids. But there can be if you use the limited time you have wisely.
Although it's understandable, as parents, you need to set aside time for your children and take time to connect with them. The connection lights up their world and lets them know you enjoy their presence, because your children are worth it.
3. They showed pride in their kids
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Whether you know it or not, your child is always seeking your validation, as supported by a study on emotional validation. They want to know you're proud of them and you appreciate them.
Harwood explained, "Not for what they do but for who they are." Parents need to celebrate their kids' authenticity. They need to know you're proud regardless of what they may or may not accomplish in life. Because, "Our children can sense that they are wanted, they are accepted, and we are proud of who they are," explains Harwood. In the same breath, they can also sense when they're not accepted or wanted.
So, do you want to protect them from rejection? Do you want to help them unconsciously surround themselves with people who love, adore, and cherish them as much as you do?
Then, start by doing the little things. Let them know how loved and cherished they truly are. Let them know their presence is more than welcome, and regardless of their success, you're proud of them as they are.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
