Kids Who Grow Up To Be Emotionally Intelligent Usually Have Parents Who Do 7 Things Regularly
Vanessa Loring | PexelsEverywhere you turn, there's another story about how today's kids aren't learning resilience and are struggling with anxiety.
But according to parenting coach Reem Raouda, it all comes down to conscious parenting. And parents whose kids grow up to be highly emotionally intelligent adults often have key practices they implement early in their child's life.
The seven things parents do to raise kids who become emotionally intelligent adults:
1. They understand the power of silence
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As Raouda explained, when parents understand the power of silence, it's because "they gave their child space to process their feelings and trust their inner voice." They comfort their children when they're upset by sitting quietly beside them, without intervening verbally.
That silence, while sometimes uncomfortable, allows kids to work through their emotions and thoughts on their own. Building emotional regulation like this is a vital skill for children to develop.
2. They name emotions early and often, especially their own
When parents are open and honest about their own emotions, they're setting a good example for their kids. They're modeling to their children how to manage their emotions, and it all starts by simply naming them, rather than acting out.
By speaking their feelings out loud, it's showing kids the proper way to identify their emotions. Their children are learning how to express their feelings in constructive ways, not avoiding them when things get tough.
In fact, when children can deal with their emotions in a healthy way, as a result of their parents modeling it for them, they feel more safe.
3. They offer apologies when they make mistakes
Perhaps one of the biggest sticking points nowadays, the refusal by many parents to say sorry seems to be part of what's fueling the wave of estrangement that keeps intensifying.
Raouda said this practice shows kids that mistakes are normal and that owning them is a strength, all while building vital trust between parent and child. It teaches them that there's nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake and then learning from it.
4. They don't force manners
This may sound a bit counterintuitive, and Raouda is not advocating for not teaching your kids manners. But much more powerful than constantly reminding them to say these phrases is to model them.
When they forget, saying "thank you" for them is a gentle reminder that eventually sticks in their minds as a sort of reflex, rather than a punitive step to follow.
5. They don't dismiss small worries
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They may seem silly to us, but little kids' worries and fears feel very real to them. Validating them, instead of ignoring them or dismissing them, teaches kids to do the same for themselves.
When parents take their kids' fears and stressors seriously, they're teaching them to own their feelings, which ultimately teaches them self-worth and gives them basic skills to become emotionally intelligent.
6. They don't always offer solutions
This is arguably one of the most important things parents can do to raise kids who are highly emotionally intelligent. After being left to their own devices as kids to such a large degree, Gen X and millennial parents often reflexively solve their kids' problems for them.
But this deprives them of opportunities to learn on their own. Raouda said that asking kids something like "What do you think we should do?" instead helps bolster their independence.
7. They embrace boredom
This isn't that dismissive old saying that "only boring people get bored" that so many boomer and Silent Generation parents handed their kids. It's about essentially allowing kids to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. This helps them develop skills for creativity and problem-solving.
Perhaps most crucially of all, Raouda said this helps kids "learn to enjoy their own company and find joy in simple moments, like staring out the car window instead of needing a screen."
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
