Parents Who Raise Truly Remarkable Kids Follow One Universal Rule As They Grow Up
Evgeny Atamanenko | ShutterstockIn a TikTok video, philosopher Julian de Medeiros brilliantly explained why parenting success shouldn't be measured by achievements and milestones, but by how you provide a safe space for your kids that also allows them the freedom to be independent and adventurous.
In a time when it's fairly easy to compare your child-rearing to someone else's, especially with the rise of family content on social media, it's vital to remember that everyone's parenting styles and their effectiveness can look completely different for each family. Still, the core essence of raising children always remains the same.
Parents who raise remarkable kids give them roots and wings.
"Here's how you know somebody is a great parent, and this is a wonderful aphorism from the German poet Goethe in which he characterizes good parenting as being able to love them but also letting them go," Julian explained.
Relaying Goethe's words, Julian admitted that it's not just about letting children go, but about giving them two things: the first, roots, and the second, wings.
Great parents encourage their kids to leave the nest while also giving them the security of home.
He insisted that by giving a child roots, parents show them what unconditional love feels like, which means teaching them where they're from and instilling in them certain values and principles they can use for the rest of their lives.
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In addition, parents should give their kids the freedom to explore life outside of the home and encourage them to spread their wings and leave the nest to become the best versions of themselves. Julian asserted that it's not about kicking your kids out but rather "telling them that no matter what happens, they can always come back to the place where they are loved."
He continued, "A good parent does two things: they love their child unconditionally, but they're also willing to let them go and be their own person. A parent can give a child two things, the first are roots and the second, wings."
There's nothing wrong with parents telling their kids that home is a safe place if they're struggling.
It's definitely a Westernized way of thinking for parents to admonish their children for wanting to return home as adults, and that as soon as a child turns 18, they are on their own.
Parenting is for life, and given the current state of the economy, many young adults can't even afford their own groceries, let alone keep a roof over their heads.
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Of course, children should be encouraged to spread their wings and embrace their independence, whether that's going off to college or moving abroad to gain more life experience and knowledge. But what some parents don't realize is that encouraging them to be independent does not mean taking away their soft place to fall.
In this culture, it can be easy to shame adults who are living at home with their parents, or who often come home during difficult times for solace. But the reality is that it's becoming increasingly common.
In fact, Bank of America's Better Money Habits team conducted a study and found that due to the high cost of living, over half of Gen Z, ages 12-27, reported they cannot afford to live a life they are comfortable with, and 37% receive financial help. Thirty-one percent live with their parents for that reason.
Considering all of the factors preventing young adults from living on their own, being welcomed back home with open arms by their parents shouldn't be seen as a failure. That's what parents should be doing anyway. They should be giving their kids the space to discover who they are and the safety of always finding support at home. When parents instill that belief as they're raising their children, a lifelong foundation of trust can be built.
Nia Tipton is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
