People Who Raise Mentally Fragile Kids Often Use 5 Phrases Way Too Often
Anatoliy Karlyuk | ShutterstockLike it or not, our words as parents have an impact because the phrases we use with our kids today will ultimately become their internal voice as they become adults.
Inevitably, we as parents will say something that can hurt our kids in some way, shape, or form. There are some innocent statements that can make our kids weaker as they get older, any many of us don't realize it.
People who raise mentally fragile kids often use these phrases innocently:
1. 'Because I said so'
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Every parent has said this at least once. Parents typically use this in response to a child or teenager's request to do something the parent disagrees with.
It's an illogical, unreasoned response, most often shouted at children out of frustration. This domineering phrase reinforces the child's weakness and the sense that their opinion doesn't matter.
2. 'Do as I say, not as I do'
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This is another popular phrase parents bark at children. The problem here is the gross hypocrisy it represents. While there are obviously legal adult activities that parents don't want their children engaging in, this phrase is used with much greater frequency on a wider range of issues.
Hypocrisy ultimately undermines trust — and that's one of the most important things kids need is the ability to trust their parents.
3. 'Stay inside the lines'
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While this phrase is unlikely to irreparably damage a child's psyche, it can still hurt and impede their creativity and problem-solving. As a kid, I loved coloring in coloring books and was admonished to stay inside the lines, but I rarely did.
Now when I color with my own kids we have "crazy creativity contests" to see who can color their picture the wildest way possible. I like to think that this simple activity is helping my kids, in a small, subtle way, see beyond barriers and think outside the box.
4. 'It's like I'm talking to a brick wall with you'
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This is perhaps the one that causes the most emotional pain in kids; I know it did in me. The reason is that whenever my mom said it, I immediately thought of the phrase "Dumb as a brick" — so she was calling me a solid wall of dumbness, or at least that's how I interpreted it.
I didn't think I was dumb, but I always thought she did when she said it. If you're a sensitive child, those types of words can hurt, especially when coming from a parent.
5. 'If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about'
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This is by far the most fear-invoking phrase of those listed here. Parents should recognize that when their children are crying, there's a reason, and it's an acceptable form of expression. This phrase can lead your child to believe that whatever is making them cry isn't valid and that their feelings don't matter.
Whether you intend it or not, that's the only way a young child will interpret it. Even if the child is out of control, throwing a drop-down-floor-screaming-kicking tantrum, parents can't escalate the situation via threats and violence to their kids.
Somebody has to be the grown-up, and that doesn't mean being the intimidating muscle. Growing up, I heard each of these phrases from my parents and, regrettably, I’ve repeated some of them to my own kids. I'm not a perfect parent, but I'm willing to learn to be a better parent. Hopefully, that will show up as better parenting skills toward my children and less emotional baggage they'll pass on to their own kids.
Tor Constantino is a former journalist, speaker, best-selling author, and current corporate communications executive with an MBA degree, living in upstate New York, with 25+ years of experience as a professional writer.
