Many Parents Won't Admit They Never Really Enjoyed These 7 Things
Marina Demidiuk | ShutterstockThere are many things about being a mom or a dad that parents are expected to love, like changing your whole life for one little baby, that can be incredibly hard to enjoy at times. Despite the fact that it's a challenge, lots of parents would never admit it.
Some of these things include big things, like having to put their dreams aside to raise their child, and little things like playdates or wiping snotty noses. And while every parent gets annoyed sometimes, these are particularly hard to admit.
Seven things most parents won't admit to not enjoying:
1. Putting their dreams aside
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While having children can be the happiest thing parents can experience, it is a time of self-sacrifice. Someone could’ve dreamt of owning their own bakery, only to fall pregnant. Even if they always dreamed of and planned for a baby, this could be very disruptive and cause mixed feelings.
Even after their child comes into the world, they might not be able to attain that dream because of the time and money involved. They must set aside everything they once wanted for themselves in order to take care of their child.
When a parent resents the fact that they can't achieve their dreams, they might displace those dreams onto their kids as they grow up. The dad that didn't get to play college baseball because he became a father a little earlier than he expected may be overly obsessed with his child's T-ball skills. As silly as this sounds, it can sometimes play out in very dramatic ways.
Hopefully parents can recognize that they gave up a dream in order to live another, and embrace the bittersweet nature of that feeling. Holding onto hope that you'll get to live your dreams (or find new ones) someday can help.
2. Having to solve all their children’s problems
Children look to their parents for everything. After all, good parents are always there for their children, feeding them, clothing them, and taking care of them in emotional ways new parents often don't expect. This helps build emotional security in a child's life.
Parents are also there to answer any questions their child may have, which we all know can get very annoying. If they fall off their bicycle and get a wounded knee, they expect their parents to fix it up. If they don’t have enough money to afford the new perfume they dream of as teens, they ask their parents for extra cash. Whatever a child needs, they turn to their parents.
Such high expectations can have a heavy toll upon parents, which can be both motivating and stressful. If a parent cannot give their child that one halloween costume they begged for, the parent can spiral into shame.
Unmet expectations can also have a negative effect on children themselves. They're disappointed that they didn't get the halloween costume they wanted and may act out in ways that are totally developmentally normal, but are also incredibly annoying. Children being so dependent upon their parents strengthens the bond between them, but nobody said it would be easy!
3. Disciplining their children
Every parent has at least some point in their life disciplined their child in some way. Some parents follow gentle parenting and use a firm tone of voice and natural consequences while others are more traditional and issue time-outs and groundings. Whatever it is, it's never fun. This is especially true for newbie parents who might fear that the relationship between themselves and their children will be ruined simply because they scolded their child.
Every parent has different views on what good discipline is and isn’t, but it’s something that many parents might struggle with. Are they doing too much or not enough? Will their child forgive them when they're strict? Will the child be safe if they're not being strict enough? Great parents find discipline exhausting because it's hard to know exactly how to get it right.
4. Sacrificing their privacy
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Children, especially when they’re younger, might not understand what boundaries mean. If their mother is trying to relax in her bed, a child might barge into the bedroom asking for everything under the sun. Even if a parent is on the toilet, a child might come in without knocking simply to see that their parent is up to or to tell their parent something they think is important.
Sure, this behavior might seem cute the first time, but when it’s a repeated occurrence, parents can easily become annoyed.
5. The incredible expense of having children
Becoming a parent means a person’s whole life revolves around their child. Parents might take on extra shifts at work or find side-hustles like driving rideshares to make more money. They sacrifice their time in order to afford the basics.
Often, that means the balance between their work life and personal life goes right out the window. They’ll never admit how hard it is to make enough money to afford everything their families, but the emotional and physical toll is real.
As a result, a parent will deal with any financial struggles they have by themselves. This is because they don’t want to burden their child (and sometimes even their partner) with these adult things. They know it's not the child's fault and don't want them to feel guilty.
6. Being constantly interrupted by their children
Just like children might invade their parents’ privacy, children are also famous for constantly nagging their parents. If their father is on a phone call and not giving his child the attention they want, the child might say “dad, dad, dad” again and again, like the iconic Family Guy clip where Stewie says "mom" in about twenty five different, anoying ways.
Children could be constantly interrupting their parents for a number of reasons. These children could be desiring attention, trying to connect to their parents, or being anxious. These underlying causes make it difficult for parents to admit they hate being interrupted. After all, they know it's natural for little kids, but that doesn't mean they're handling it well.
7. Fearing they're not good enough as a parent
Every parent wants to believe they're doing what's right, and great parents are the ones who worry that they might not be. They look for all the best resources and check and double check their choices.
Children are so very dependent upon their parents, so much so that taking great care of a child becomes a good parent's whole world. There's no right way to raise a child, nor is there any guidebook, so it's natural to not ejoy the natural process of feeling like they're not good enough as parents.
Despite how universal this feeling is, many parents won't admit how much they worry they're not good enough. If only they knew how many other good parents feel the same way.
Allison Peterson is a writer with a degree in English from the University of Nevada, Reno. She writes on relationships, lifestyle, and mental health topics.
