Kids Whose Parents Are A Hot Mess Tend To Say 6 Phrases In Public
Iryna Inshyna / ShutterstockParents have to balance all kinds of responsibilities while still making time for their kids. Still, children pick up on what’s going on with their parents, for better or for worse and that becomes clear in their behavior when they're out and about.
Given that kids absorb their parents' actions and emotions, when parents are regularly overwhelmed and always in survival mode, their kids are known to express it to other people by saying things that let anyone who really listens know just how much of a mess things are at home.
If a kid's parents are a hot mess, they'll often use these phrases in public
1. "Is it okay if I sit here?
This phrase can come off as the kid being nice, but it may also mean they're hyper-aware of how others are watching everything they do. These kids may struggle when they're interacting with others because they’re scared of doing something wrong and upsetting those around them.
Growing up with parents who are a mess can cause the child to pay more attention to the feelings and needs of the people around them than to their own. They may look closely at their teachers or classmates to see how they’re feeling and try to predict what they may say or do instead of doing what feels most natural to them.
2. “I'm a bad kid”
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Guilt and worry are normal emotions that help us understand ourselves better, but when a child feels like they did something wrong when they didn’t, it can point to internalized guilt.
A child might have internalized guilt when they feel accountable for their parents’ wellbeing. They may think it's their fault their parents feel a certain way and think they are responsible for things that are out of their control. This can cause a child to think negatively about themselves and their own behavior, even if they didn’t do anything to upset the people around them.
3. “My parents don’t care if I do that.”
A child telling you that their parents don't care if they do something, whether that thing is bad or good, can point to their parents having unhealthy boundaries in their home life. Rules at home might be relaxed, or there may not be any at all. Their basic needs are met, but the expectations for parental involvement in their life may be nonexistent.
Children growing up in this type of environment quickly learn to take care of themselves because they don't expect much help or discipline from the people around them. Eventually, this can cause the children to struggle with regulating their emotions and have trouble respecting authority figures.
4. "Please don’t tell my parents."
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Facing the consequences of their actions can help children learn from their mistakes. Still, it shouldn’t lead the child to fear their parents or what they may do. Chaotic parents may use discipline methods based on fear to scare their children into behaving, but a child who is scared of their parents is likely to lose trust in them and come to resent them in the long run.
A child in this situation might even lie to their parents as a way to avoid harsh punishments. If they are begging you not to tell their parents about something they’ve done, it might point to a bigger problem.
5. “What are we doing?"
It's a parent's responsibility to make sure their child grows up in a healthy, stable environment. Predictability is something parents can influence and control, but children whose parents are completely disorganized tend to experience an equally inconsistent home life.
Unpredictable parents might make their child wonder where they are going or when they'll go to bed. Unpredictability is a form of childhood adversity that can impact a child's psychological development. They may struggle with their mental health and have a high chance of developing anxiety or depression. The child is also at risk for sleep disorders and behavioral problems. By asking questions about where they’re going and what they’re doing, they are trying to find some kind of understanding of what’s happening around them.
6. "I don't need anything."
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Having parents who are a total mess can cause a child to suppress their emotions and stifle their needs to please those around them. They might hide their facial expressions or try to control their emotional cues so they won't upset or bother the adults around them.
That doesn’t mean their emotions aren't there. When children hide their emotions, their feelings continue to exist within them with no place to go. In the long term, the child may struggle with stress and expressing their wants and needs to others.
Aricka Croxton is a writer with a Bachelor’s Degree in Creative Writing from the University of Michigan who covers relationships, self-help, and wellness.
