If You Make 11 Conscious Choices On A Daily Basis, Your Parents Did An Exceptional Job Raising You
PeopleImages | Shutterstock It's rare to meet someone who truly knows who they are these days and makes conscious choices based on what they want and who they want to be. Usually this happens because someone had exceptional parents who wanted to raise a great person.
If you can relate, you probably learned from your parents how to treat others in order to build lasting friendships, but you don't do it by sacrificing yourself or making empty promises. Instead, your parents showed you how to be your most genuine self while still growing as person in a few key ways.
If you make 11 conscious choices on a daily basis, your parents did an exceptional job raising you
1. You're generous with the resources you have
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You might not be rich, but you give what you can, when you can. You make reasonable donations to charities that represent your values, because you know every dollar counts when it comes to making the world a better place. That's because your parents raised you to be a good person.
Even if you don't have money to give away, you still put generosity into action daily. You make use of the resources you have access to. If you have a flexible schedule and free time, you volunteer.
Your generous spirit is a reflection of the deep compassion you carry and the fact that your parents did a great job raising you.
2. You stay calm in emotionally-charged situations
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Your ability to self-regulate shows that you were brought up in an emotionally safe household. Your parents encouraged you to express your feelings, even the big, uncomfortable ones. They taught you how to navigate heightened emotions in a healthy way, which set you up for success in all your future relationships.
Being self-reflective provides you the opportunity to identify your emotional triggers, all those little things that dig into your fears and insecurities, setting you off. Recognizing patterns pulls you back from the precipice, so you can recenter yourself and commit to calm, constructive dialogue.
Approaching conflict as a battleground, where you have to prove your point to win, ruptures connections and erodes relationships. In seeking common ground, you know that patience is more than a virtue, it's an active practice. It's a choice people who had exceptional parents make on a daily basis.
3. You own up to your mistakes
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Your parents did a great job raising you if you make the thoughtful decision to own up to your mistakes. You know that saying sorry is a launching point, not the final destination. Repairing harm takes more than just an apology, even the most sincere one. It takes action, because accountability is an ongoing process.
According to world-renowned therapist Esther Perel, owning your own experience is an essential part of self-accountability, which paves the way for people to come out on the other side of harm.
"Owning your part is an act of humility, and that gesture opens the door for your partner to reciprocate, to meet you in an honest place," she explained. "Taking accountability for yourself does not excuse the other person. It helps them see that apologizing for their mistake doesn't mean that they are a mistake."
Perel noted that true accountability means asking hard questions about the larger context of an individual conflict, and interrogating the role you've played in that dynamic. She shared, "This is not victim blaming. This is acknowledging the inherent complexities of what it means to be responsible in your relationship."
Seeing repair as a journey you take, instead of a finite action, is a deeply thoughtful decision that leads you to become more responsive, both to yourself and your partner.
4. You commit to simple acts of self-improvement
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True self-acceptance involves even the parts of yourself you don't like, the ones that make you wonder if you're worthy of love. If your self-improvement goals are rooted in love, not any attempt to erase your imperfections, your parents did a fantastic job raising you.
You likely set manageable goals, leading you into the future you dream of, without imposing any expectation that you get there quickly. You frame self-improvement as something to sustain for a lifetime, not as short, pressured bursts.
If your goal is to eat a more balanced diet, you incorporate those changes gradually. Instead of cutting off sugar completely, you swap your midnight cookie snack for smaller cookie after lunch. You commit to cooking veggies three nights a week, and you don't shame yourself
You believe there's always room to grow. Your version of growth aligns with your authenticity, bringing you into your truest self with every small change you make.
5. You make time to move your body
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You know that staying active is the gateway to good health. Not just in a physical sense, but on a mental and spiritual level, too. If you see exercise as an act of self-care, rather than something you force yourself to do, your parents probably did a great job raising you to respect your health.
You listen to your body, honoring what you need. Some days, you go hard with weights and cardio. Other days, you stretch gently in your living room or take a walk and admire the beauty of the outside world. You rest when you need to, because you know that pushing too hard will leave you depleted. When you feel some depression or anxiety pop up, you move your body a little more.
You've given yourself permission to be flexible and show up in ways that serve you best. Your intuitive approach to staying in shape shows that you're lovingly committed to a life well-lived.
6. You are respectful to people working in the service industry
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We've all met someone who treats service workers like they're sub-human. They have a demanding, entitled attitude, using any small misstep or oversight as a reason to to shout at someone or to skip the tip.
But, because your parents did a great job raising you, you treat service workers with dignity and respect. In fact, you extend that courtesy to everyone you meet.
You understand that service workers deserve to be spoken to politely and compensated for their labor. It shows that your parents taught you basic decency and good social skills. You acknowledge that service jobs are hard, not only because they require people to stay on their feet for 10 hours or more, but also because the emotional labor involved is completely draining.
It costs nothing to be nice to people taking your order and bringing you a freshly-made meal, so that you don't have to cook at home or do your own dishes. Same for any other person helping yo out Your empathy and kindness isn't limited only to those in your inner circle; rather, they extend to everyone you interact with.
7. You pour energy into your rewarding relationships
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People learn early on in their lives to treat others as they want to be treated, often modeled by their parents. Making the thoughtful decision to fill your life with meaningful relationships means you truly understand what's most important.
You make connections that sustain you and surround yourself with people who support you and uplift you. You know that being mindful means approaching your relationships with intentionality and integrity.
You care deeply about your people, and you put effort and affection into your most rewarding relationships and allow the relationships and people who drain you to fall away.
8. You tune out your inner critic
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Your confidence and belief that you can do hard things stems from the messaging you received in childhood and it's highly likely you see yourself as capable because your parents did.
While everyone has an inner critic, you've learned to turn down the volume of your critic's negative vibes.
According to therapist Susan Saint Welch, finding your life's purpose means learning to value your true self without judgment.
As Saint Welch explains, "Most people often judge themselves harshly. Sometimes, parents inadvertently teach their children not to value themselves. And, likely, the lesson came from each generation before them."
By accepting you without judgment, your parents stopped the cycle of negative self-talk. They set you up to believe in your capabilities, so you could live in your truth.
9. You know when to say 'no'
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Being able to say "no" indicates that you know yourself deeply and believe you're worthy of standing up for yourself. This is probably because your parents taught you to trust yourself and stood up for you, too.
You make decisions in your own best interests, not to make other people happy. You believe that setting boundaries is a way to establish mutual respect. You make thoughtful decisions about where to put your energy, and you say "no" to make sure you're being nourished and sustained.
Because of this, others respect you and see your value, too. They don't try to scam you or exploit your kindness, because they know you simply won't accept mistreatment.
10. You reliably show up when you say you will
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If you make the thoughtful decision to follow through with what you say you'll do, your parents probably taught you that reliability is a virtue.
Reliability isn't about promising to meet people's every need, it's about making promises you can actually keep. It means setting your intentions to match up with your actions. You're committed to showing up for others in ways that resonate for them, but only in ways you can reliably sustain.
Truly reliability means that your everyday actions line up with your beliefs. Living authentically allows you to keep the promises you've made to yourself, along with other people. It also means having the self-awareness to accept that sometimes, you'll make mistakes, but that shouldn't stop you from making repairs and getting back to work.
11. You take what others say to heart
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One of the challenges of developing strong boundaries is knowing when you should take what others say to heart, rather than dismiss them as baseless criticism.
When you have exceptional parents, they help you sort through this early on. Yours didn't dismiss you when you said someone hurt your feelings at school or tell you to "just ignore them." They helped you process what you were going through, showed support, and then looked at what role you might be playing in a problem (if any).
That set you up for a life where you could hear feedback from bosses and partners and other people you care about and trust, and to try to find ways to grow. With that skill, you know what to let go, too. And what an incredible gift for a parent to give their child!
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
