People With Parents Who Didn't Trust Them As Teens Usually Carry 6 Habits Into Adulthood
MAYA LAB | ShutterstockParenting during the teenage years is all about trust. Unfortunately, not many moms and dads are able to let go when their teens' safety is at stake, and they hover and helicopter their kids into habits formed in direct response to their lack of freedom.
A helicopter parent never lets their teens make their own choices and hardly ever lets them out of their sight. In some ways, it's understandable. The world can be a scary place. But research has shown that being overprotective isn't a solution. It satisfies a parent's anxiety, but hinders a teenager's growth.
Habits teens develop when their parents are overprotective and don't trust them to be safe:
1. They get stressed and frustrated easily
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Children take cues from adults to understand how to handle their emotions. Parents need to be sensitive to their kids' needs while also recognizing when they can handle things on their own. That's how kids learn to stand on their own two feet.
When parents don't give their kids space to try, and their default is to get anxious and take over, their kids never learn to trust themselves. Every minor inconvenience becomes a catastrophe.
According to a study published in the journal Developmental Psychology published by the American Psychological Association, overcontrolling parents, like helicopter parents, can negatively affect a child's emotional control. “Our research showed that children with helicopter parents may be less able to deal with the challenging demands of growing up, especially with navigating the complex school environment,” said Nicole B. Perry, PhD, from the University of Minnesota, and lead author of the study.
A teen who struggles to handle high school stress could easily grow into an adult who can't navigate the workplace.
2. They doubt their abilities
Self-efficacy is how confident a person feels in their own ability to complete specific tasks. This is different than just lacking confidence. It is more task-related than overall competence and drives both motivation and success. It's what motivates a teen to walk into a test with a sense of security that they know the material because they studied, and they trust their ability to get a good grade.
Helicopter parents who don't trust their kids to lock the doors when they are home alone or turn off the stove after cooking a frozen pizza teach their teens that they can't believe in themselves. They become incapable of succeeding at tasks they should have no trouble handling because that's what their parents have taught them. Imagine what that does in adulthood.
A 2022 study published in the Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Sciences found that American college students who experienced higher levels of helicopter parenting had more depressive symptoms and reduced self-efficacy than their more independent peers, and female students were more vulnerable to internalizing their problems and emotions as a result.
3. They have a hard time making even simple decisions
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Teens with helicopter parents often struggle with decision-making in adulthood because all their decisions were made for them as kids.
Kathleen Vinson of Suffolk University Law School published her study, Hovering Too Close: The Ramifications of Helicopter Parenting in Higher Education, in the Georgia State University Law Review and noted, "Helicopter parenting encourages dependence and is a factor in the diminished decision-making and coping skills of students."
4. They are perfectionists
Helicopter parents don't want their kids to ever fail. They expect them to be perfect. This is why they jump in to save the day so their teens don't make the wrong decisions.
So if and when their children do make a decision, and it is the wrong decision, and it is a mistake, it is something of a catastrophe. Mistakes are not acceptable to helicopter parents. This is so wrong because mistakes are an integral part of how children learn and grow. They cannot ever build resilience if they don't learn from their mistakes. That's when perfectionist habits begin.
A research starter titled Helicopter Parents noted, "Experts point to helicopter parenting as one reason for the rise in mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, in children, teenagers, and young adults in the twenty-first century. Because children with helicopter parents aren't able to make mistakes and learn from them, it has contributed to a culture of perfectionism. Striving for perfection puts extra pressure on youth, who may further struggle to succeed under their parents' close involvement in their lives."
5. They are skittish
Helicopter parents can make kids nervous and fearful. They let their own anxieties fuel those fears, and their kids end up afraid of their own shadows. As they grow, they aren't willing to take any risks.
While parents can be afraid of their child playing adventurously, it is important not to show it. Taking risks is how kids and teens, especially, learn to be independent. This is, of course, different from being reckless. That's the distinction parents need to make. Driving a car without a license is reckless. Driving as a licensed teenager who understands the rules of the road is taking a healthy risk.
Professor of Child Psychology at the University of Exeter, Helen Dodd, told the BBC, "Do you want to model ‘I’m nervous but will give it a go’ or ‘I’m nervous and will avoid it’?"
6. They lack motivation
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Helicopter parenting diminishes a child's sense of accomplishment. In an academic article published in the journal Youth, the authors noted, "overparented college students are more likely to have extrinsic motivation to learn, rather than intrinsic, and are therefore more likely to attribute their successes and failures to external influences (e.g., parents)."
Put simply, when parents don't trust their teens to be safe, they never try on their own to do anything. Successes are always in the hands of other people, so they learn that trying is a waste of time.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master’s in Literature and Culture, a bachelor’s in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience. Their work is driven by the belief that stories are what make us human.
