Kids Whose Parents Lead Chaotic Lives Usually Carry 9 Habits Into Their Adult Lives
KIRAYONAK YULIYA | ShutterstockWe’ve all felt like our lives were total chaos at some point, but kids who grow up in homes where that's the norm can take that disorder with them the rest of their lives.
Research has shown that children with chaotic parents don’t develop basic skills the same way other kids do. This helps explain why they pick up hurtful habits that stay with them forever.
Habits kids develop when their parents lead chaotic lives that stick with them as adults:
1. They have a hard time resting
Biserka Stojanovic from Getty Images via Canva
People need to feel safe to be able to relax. That’s a problem for anyone who grew up in a chaotic environment because they got used to always being on edge.
Living with that kind of stress usually leads to nervous system dysregulation. This makes it almost impossible for people to get quality rest because their body is always in fight-or-flight mode. Even if they don’t make the connection themselves, it was all caused by their turbulent childhood.
2. They try to do everything themselves
When a child can’t rely on their parents, they often have no one else to turn to other than themselves. Soon, they become the one who’s always there to help but never asks for anything in return.
This is exactly how people become hyper-independent. They insist on taking care of everything as a trauma response. That’s obviously not healthy and leads to burnout, but it’s understandable if their parents weren’t there for them when they needed them the most.
3. They wait for good times to turn bad
Everyone gets used to the environment they grew up in to the point that it can change them biologically. This creates an unexpected problem when kids turn into adults.
You would think kids with chaotic parents would try to get as far away from that as possible once they grow up, but the opposite is actually true. Chaos is what feels familiar to them, so they actually feel more comfortable with that than with stability.
When they’re in the middle of a good time in life that’s pretty peaceful, it will throw them off completely. They’ll be waiting for the other shoe to drop, but they won’t feel a sense of dread about it. Feeling like life was a little more messy would actually help them.
4. They can’t stick to a routine
We’ve all heard for years now how important it is to have routines in our lives. Psychologist Rachel Goldman, PhD, explained that having that kind of structure is more helpful than ever when people go through a stressful time.
But children follow the examples they’re shown, and routines and chaos don’t go together. There’s very little chance that parents with chaotic lives would prioritize teaching their kids about sticking to a schedule. That’s something they’ll get used to and keep doing for the rest of their lives.
5. They work best under pressure
ภาพของZzGooggiigz Tidarat via Canva
Chaotic parents aren’t the ones who make chore charts for their kids and keep track of their homework. Their kids are going to end up doing a lot of things at the last minute because no one’s going to remind them of due dates.
Some people really do procrastinate on purpose because they know they perform better under pressure. These kids will fall into this category when they grow up, but it’s not really clear if they choose to because they prefer it or because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do.
6. They prepare for every possibility
Life is unpredictable in a chaotic home, but humans don’t like the unknown. To deal with that, kids who grew up in that environment will learn to be prepared for anything that could happen.
Technically, being prepared is a good thing. But there’s no way to be prepared for absolutely everything, which is why a lot of people think worrying about the future is the same as preparing for it.
That could easily turn into an obsession that takes the spontaneity out of life. There’s a big difference between being prepared and wanting to be in control.
7. They always have a backup plan
Since chaos and instability go hand in hand, there were probably a lot of times during these people’s childhoods when things didn’t go the way they expected. Maybe their family ran out of money at some point or had to move around a lot, and they had to respond to that.
Those are the kinds of situations that make having a backup plan helpful, so they’ll keep setting up a plan B for pretty much everything they do throughout their lives.
There are a lot of benefits to having another plan to fall back on. But it can also make people think they don’t have to work as hard to reach their goals since there’s another option, so it’s not always a good idea.
8. They adapt to changes quickly
Change feels really uncomfortable, but it’s also inevitable. The way people react to it is important, which gives kids with chaotic parents an advantage.
These kids were faced with a lot of changes while growing up and they had to learn to deal with them quickly. That makes them more flexible, which then makes them more adaptable.
This gives them the rare ability to switch from one thing to another without too much difficulty. They’re experts at going with the flow and not getting thrown off in the process.
9. They can never show up on time
progressman via Canva
Always being late is a pretty chaotic trait, so it’s something these kids probably picked up from their parents. They didn’t grow up with much of a schedule in place and were much more used to flying by the seat of their pants.
Maybe they just have poor time management skills, or maybe they think they have more time than they actually do because of time blindness. Whatever the case, this is something they’ll have to try to unlearn because of the problems it causes.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
