Kids Raised By Parents Who Only Cared About Grades & Rules Usually Carry 7 Habits Into Adulthood
Irina WS | ShutterstockParents who focused on their kids' education above all else likely had good intentions, but being overly concerned about grades and rules can make children develop unhealthy perfectionist habits they carry into adulthood.
A study found that 80% of kids claimed their parents cared more about how they were doing in school than anything else. The constant pressure to achieve may have left them with unreachable expectations they carry with them as they get older.
Kids raised by parents who cared way too much about grades & rule following often develop these habits as grown-ups:
1. They are known to people-please
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People-pleasing behavior often stems from childhood experiences. They may have felt emotional pain when they didn’t live up to their parents’ expectations. With so much pressure placed on their grades and house rules, they felt like they weren’t good enough if they didn’t succeed. The more A’s on their report card, the more praise they received from their parents.
Now, as adults, they may think bowing down to everyone is the only way to make them happy. This often comes at a cost. Instead of prioritizing their needs, they go above and beyond for others, just as they did while in school to impress their parents.
2. They tend avoid risk because they fear failure so much
Growing up, kids raised under these conditions were likely punished for failing a test or not completing homework on time. Anything that could negatively impact their grades or break the rules they were expected to follow was seen as a failure.
Instead of having support to work through the moments they fell short, they were expected to do better next time, sometimes without any guidance. It’s not surprising that this type of parenting leads to adults who avoid taking risks because the fear of failure is too great.
Chasing success is a good thing. We want to stay motivated in our lives and careers to keep them on the right track. However, a genuine fear of failure can put unnecessary pressure on someone who is already hard on themselves. This can lead to a vicious cycle of self-doubt and self-blame when things don’t go as planned.
3. They often hide their true emotions
When achievement is at the forefront of a child’s upbringing, they may struggle with their emotions. If parents cared more about how they were doing in school than how they were feeling inside, and constantly pushed them beyond the breaking point, they likely dealt with serious emotional trauma.
Thankfully, my parents were chill about grades, but I still remember those nights I spent staying up late to finish a school project and how exhausting it was. Feeling that way over every assignment must have been draining.
Kids need their parents to support them through tough times, but also provide the tools to work through their feelings adequately. When success was most important, and punishment for not achieving it took control, they likely felt uncomfortable opening up to their parents about their emotions.
4. They are very competitive
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Our parents want the best for us, and sometimes that means being better than everyone else around you. Whether getting the best grades or racking up extracurricular activities, there was always pressure to succeed. This can create competitive adults, especially in the workplace. They’re used to being at the top of the class, so they should be at the top of the corporate ladder, right? It doesn’t always work that way.
Parents who overvalued grades and rules may have caused their children to struggle as adults. They can become overly competitive, looking to achieve more than anyone else around them. While it may motivate them, it can also strain relationships if they do whatever they can to come out on top.
5. They often have a need to be in control
We all grew up with someone who had to be the perfect kid in class. They followed every rule to the T, even reminding the teacher to assign homework when they forgot. Let’s face it, it’s a bit exhausting to be around a kid like this. We grew frustrated by their pick-me behavior, not realizing there was more under the surface than trying to be a teacher’s pet.
Growing up in a chaotic home can cause adults to become control freaks. The pressure they felt in childhood to fall in line and be perfect lasted with them. They believe the only way to truly do things right is to do it themselves.
6. They can become workaholics
If you work in an office setting, you’ve likely left late, only to see another co-worker still plugging away at their computer. Someone like this wants to do anything they can to achieve and may take on extra projects or overwhelming overtime to stay on top. Making their boss happy might mimic that feeling of pleasing their parents with good grades. It can be an unhealthy coping mechanism that does more harm than good.
Perfectionism creates unrealistic expectations. Instead of admitting we can’t do everything, we may try until we are completely burnt out. In the end, this impacts our work quality and may not land us the praise or promotion we were seeking.
7. They ignore their own needs
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Perfectionism can hold people back from setting boundaries. Instead of putting effort into self-care so they can reach their full potential, they drain themselves by doing everything they can, no matter how exhausted they are. This can leave them burnt out.
Enforcing boundaries allows us to deliver our best work because we are prioritizing ourselves, allowing for more growth. Struggling to do so can stem from childhood, when parents expected them to do what they said to meet those expectations. They couldn’t say no, so setting boundaries can feel impossible.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
