Kids Raised By Parents Who Made Everything A Competition Usually Carry 6 Habits Into Adulthood
Motortion Films | ShutterstockA little healthy competition can be motivating as long as it doesn't become a way of life. Some parents see it differently, though, and think the best way to raise successful kids is to teach them they need to win at everything.
Parents who raise their kids in a competitive household aren't really doing them any favors in the long run, though. In fact, they usually develop some pretty cutthroat habits that follow them as they become adults. Relationship and psychology expert Dr. Jennifer Schulz explained that pressuring kids to "outperform" everyone isn't healthy because not all children can live up to that win-at-all-costs mindset.
Habits kids raised in a competitive parenting household take with them as they grow up:
1. They have anger management issues
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Learning to control anger can be difficult for kids who grew up needing to always win. Competitive parenting fosters an environment where kids are encouraged to get more and more emotional the less and less well they do, because children mirror, and that is exactly what their parents are doing.
A 2020 study found that there is an association between parents' irritability, their harsh parenting, and children's irritability. This means that as long as parents are irritable and angry, their children will be as well, especially if their anger is directed towards their children's performance.
2. They are defiant
Competitive parenting is a lot like helicopter parenting in that the parents are choosing everything their child does and enforcing that they do it in a very specific way. It is no wonder that this breeds defiance in children. Children want the freedom to choose their own futures, and when they are told how and what to do, they rebel.
A 2016 study led by Sarah Murphy at the University of Texas at Austin found that competitive co-parenting of 2-year-olds "generated" defiant behavior in the same children by age 7.
3. They are dissatisfied with themselves
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Children raised to believe that everything is a competition are often dissatisfied with themselves because their parents have been pushing them their whole lives to be the best of the best. That's an impossible standard, and eventually they will come up short. When that happens, they end up feeling completely inadequate because they were taught to feel that way their whole lives.
A 2025 study of teen tennis players found that "excessive parental expectations" negatively affected a child's basic psychological needs. This means that the higher the parents' expectations were, the more stressed their teens were, which led to what researchers described as a "psychological burden that erodes perceived competence."
4. They are always stressed
Competitive parenting is a harsher form of parenting. Competitive parents want nothing more than for their children to succeed and succeed well beyond how other children have succeeded. Of course, being driven is good. The problem is these kids are taught that if they aren't the best, they are pretty much the worst. That's a whole lot of stress to carry.
Penn State researchers published a study concluding that harshly parented children show poorer development of stress regulation. Professor of Psychology and co-leader of the study, Erika Lukenheimer, stated, "Beyond parenting behavior, our work suggests that a parent’s calmer, better-regulated physical state while parenting also plays a key role, laying the foundation for how children regulate stress in their body over time.”
5. They internalize problems
Competitive parenting can make children feel as if they have to deal with every problem on their own. They grow up feeling that their parents care about nothing but winning. So why would they care about a problem they are having with a friend or at school?
These kids learn to internalize all their struggles because struggling isn't winning. They bury their insecurities and their concerns because praise and attention only come from being the best.
A study examining intermarital conflicts surrounding parenting style and the effects that they had on children discusses how these conflicts affected children. "Results of the present study suggest that maladaptive interparental conflict undermines girls’ sense of security with parents; that in turn leads to more internalizing problems in early preadolescence."
6. They don't know how to have fun
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Competitive parents are often competitive about their kids' activities. The problem is that when their child started playing whatever sport they play, or whatever instrument they learned, it used to be fun. It stops being fun when you can't actually enjoy it anymore because your parents insist you make varsity or be the best pianist.
Ever played a board game with someone who is a sore loser? Yeah, no one can have a good time, and this is exactly the same thing.
Competitive parenting that sucks the fun out of every activity will eventually damage the relationship between parents and their kids. Children are driven by enjoyment and curiosity, not competition.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master’s in Literature and Culture, a bachelor’s in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience. Their work is driven by the belief that stories are what make us human.
