Kids Raised By Highly Insecure Parents Usually Have 8 Adult Habits That Set Them Apart
MAYA LAB | ShutterstockOur parents and childhood experiences strongly influence our relationships as adults.
But having insecure, immature parents can negatively affects a kid's self-esteem and emotional intelligence in the connections they form with others. Kids raised by insecure parents often mirror the anxieties of their caregivers, and carry some pretty challenging habits into adulthood.
Habits kids often carry into adulthood when they're raised by highly insecure parents
1. They hide and shove down feelings
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When you live at home with an insecure parent, you're often forced to walk on eggshells. For kids who grew up in this environment, everything was an argument. Emotions were always amplified and they were made to feel responsible for their parents' lack of emotional intelligence.
Their parents used the silent treatment and had intense outbursts. They didn't know how to deal with their own complex emotions, so it's no surprise their kids still struggle to do the same as adults.
They've held onto the belief that their emotions and needs will always come last, so they shove down complex feelings. Instead of expressing them, they put their own health and well-being at risk by suppressing them over time.
2. They overstep their own boundaries
Kids who were raised by insecure parents are used to being the people-pleasers to avoid hurting or upsetting anyone, so they never learn how to actually stand up for themselves. As adults, they overstep their own boundaries.
They over-apologize to avoid arguments and dismiss their own feelings, all because their parents were too self-centered and immature to teach these lessons. They need their kids to soothe them, and now, their kids put their own energy on the line trying to please others all the time.
3. They never ask for help
Many kids with childhood trauma, especially those parentified early in life, end up relying on hyper-independence later in life as a coping mechanism. They never had someone to ask for help, so now they cling to their self-reliance as a means of control.
They never had the stability of an emotionally secure parent, so as adults they distrust most people and avoid commitment to protect themselves from disappointment. They often suffer in silence because they're used to being blamed for their own feelings.
4. They say 'yes' too often
When parentified children grow up, they never truly grow out of being the caretaker. At work or in their adult relationships, they're always the ones who put their well-being on the back burner to fix everything, much like they were pressured to do as kids.
They comfort the emotions of others and take the blame. They apologize incessantly for things they never did. They always feel a pressure to step in and keep the peace.
5. They look for validation in others
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We often learn self-esteem from watching how our parents care for and love themselves, on top of how they show up for us. So, if an insecure parent is constantly judging themselves or criticizing their mistakes, it's easy to also adopt that same tendency.
Instead of being able to go inward for motivation and security, they look to everyone else. As kids, it might have been solving issues and taking blame for their parents, but as adults, they seek attention in much different ways.
Unfortunately, while it offers relief in the moment, validation-seeking behaviors only create a cycle of anxiety and frustration.
6. They ask for praise and reassurance often
While offering reassurance is a natural part of healthy relationships, many kids with insecure parents were forced to constantly seek it out. Their parents' attention was rooted in their self-worth.
The need for reassurance defined their moods and how they felt about themselves, because their parents were sometimes neglectful and disconnected.
As adults, they live in somewhat of an anxious state because their moods are almost entirely shaped by what everyone else thinks. They may try to control how others perceive them because they lack internal security.
7. They expect every argument to be a screaming match
When you grow up with insecure parents who can't take accountability or communicate without breaking down, you associate conflict with fear. But being able to resolve conflict and mediate arguments healthily is part of what feeds our well-being.
So, even if they feel like avoiding arguments and suppressing concerns is the most comfortable way to exist in their relationships, they're only creating more stress for themselves in adulthood by anticipating that arguments will end in a screaming match.
8. They second-guess themselves
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When kids are constantly blamed and guilted by insecure parents, they never learn to really trust themselves. So, they grow into adults who second-guess themselves out of habit.
They're always defensive and trying to people-please, because that was the only way they ever felt truly in control with their unpredictable, immature parents.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
