Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X & Boomers Have Very Different Ideas Of What A Well-Raised Kid Looks Like
PeopleImages | ShutterstockParenting styles normally shift over time, but cycle-breaking might explain why parents today have contrasting ideas about what makes a good parent.
Every generation has a different idea of what a well-raised kid looks like, and uses their own upbringing to guide their parenting. They may also be compensating for things they lacked or yearned for in their own childhoods.
What each generation thinks a well-raised kid looks like
Boomers celebrated independent, obedient kids
With a tendency to adopt the "suck it up" and "sink or swim" parenting mentalities, boomer parents often raised kids who were resilient by nature. Their kids had to learn to navigate hardship on their own, much like they themselves did, so their resilience grew.
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Many boomers were also authoritarian parents, characterized by harsh discipline and a general lack of warmth. They valued obedience in their kids because their lives were much easier than their own. Their rules and guidelines were respected.
While Gen Xers may compensate for this harshness with more emotional warmth and believe their kids are well-raised when they're comfortable emotionally, for boomers with stronger mental health stigmas, it's all about grit.
Gen X values self-reliance, but wants their kids to stay close
Considering many Gen Xers were raised as latchkey kids, with a lot of independence and not a lot of emotional presence from their parents, they adopted helicopter parenting styles.
Even with the best of intentions and a value for self-reliance in themselves and their kids, they prioritized being present, unlike their own parents.
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To them, good parenting is being present and available. Even if it sometimes comes off as a bit too much, they're giving their kids the independence and emotional lessons they didn't get.
In a Gen X parent's eyes, well-raised kids are a product of that: self-reliant, but also comfortable asking their parents for advice and leaning into deeper conversations at home.
Millennials hope their kids have strong integrity and authenticity
Many millennial parents are more open-minded than previous generations, both with their parenting styles and generally in their lives, according to therapist Amelia Kelley.
They're aware of the new environments their kids are facing, like the internet and changing educational situations. But they aren't interested in being overbearing like their own parents were.
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To millennials, a well-raised kid can fend for themselves while still feeling safe enough to ask for help when they need it. This generation is also having fewer kids, giving them the time to really be present with the kids they do have.
They want their kids to be themselves and do things they want to do. It's a direct contrast to their own rigid and overscheduled childhoods.
Millennial parents are also more intentional about balancing household labor and chores with their partners, ensuring their kids really have free time and don't feel pressured into parentified identities early on.
Gen Z is raising challenger kids who are celebrated for exploring their identity
In stark contrast to the obedience and conformity that boomer parents tended to push onto their kids, Gen Z parents value openness.
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They want their kids to explore their identities and interests. They even promote the kind of challenging social norms and traditions they follow in adulthood.
While they may be more anxious about their perfectionist expectations and constant surveillance online as parents, they want their kids to explore both online and offline.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
