People Who Have A Deep Fear Of Success Often Say 5 Things That Hold Themselves Back
Vergani Fotografia | ShutterstockThe things you tell yourself every day can make or break you.
The words people repeat in their heads can affect how they view their abilities, mistakes, and opportunities. Negative self-talk doesn't prove that someone is incapable of succeeding, but it can make them more likely to focus on their flaws and give up before they've had a fair chance to improve. People who are afraid of success may not consciously decide to hold themselves back, yet the phrases they use can reinforce the belief that trying isn't worth the risk. That's why it's worth paying attention to the things they repeatedly tell themselves.
People with a deep fear of success often tell themselves these 5 things that hold them back:
1. They call themselves 'stupid' whenever they make a mistake
It's so easy to say this to ourselves after making a mistake that could've easily been avoided. But each time we tell ourselves that we're stupid, we're solidifying the mindset that each time we mess up, we're incapable of learning from our mistakes.
You just made a mistake; it's not that big a deal. Instead, experts agree the solution is to attack self-critical thoughts before they can fester and take root. "I'm feeling pretty bad about my abilities right now, and that hurts." When you think negative thoughts through the lens of being kind to yourself, it gives you some distance from the incident and helps you avoid the cycle of negativity.
2. They criticize their appearance until they lose confidence
Yes, there will be days that maybe you don't love the way you look, but when you tell yourself you feel ugly, your brain will search for evidence of this claim you've created in your head. You'll start scrutinizing your appearance over things most people probably won't even notice.
Instead of calling yourself ugly, ask yourself, "I don't feel my best. What could help me feel better in my skin right now?" Once you know what it is, do your best to treat yourself. Perhaps it's as simple as a bubble bath or taking some extra time to wash and style your hair.
3. They decide they're bad at something before giving themselves time to learn
Saying you're not good at something, although we may not want to admit it, is a copout to avoid learning new things. No one is automatically good at anything, and learning a new skill takes time, practice, and patience. You may not be absolutely perfect at something you're trying to do, but each time you pick yourself up, you're improving, and that's enough.
You don't inherently have to be 'good' at something; you just need to focus on progress. "Can I do a little better than I did last time? What part of this is making it difficult for me? How can I help myself keep going?" These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves so that we can improve ourselves and not be held back by our thoughts.
4. They use their age as a reason not to try something new
Since when is there an age limit for joy? If doing something will make you happy, you should go for it, not reduce yourself to the number of years you've been on earth.
Telling yourself you're too old for something will likely make you feel like you're old in general and hold you back from experiencing so many wonderful things.
5. They treat every responsibility like it's something they're forced into
When people treat every necessary step like an unbearable burden, they can make their goals feel harder to reach. Reframing certain responsibilities around the benefit they provide may make it easier to follow through.
Often, we find ourselves upset over necessary tasks we have to perform, like dishes, laundry, and homework, but it's important to practice gratitude. You get to enjoy the fruits of your labor, such as doing your dishes after eating a home-cooked meal and folding clothes that you can relax and be comfortable in.
When you switch your mindset to tell yourself the benefits of an action, you're acknowledging the privilege you have to be in the position you are in and also that you deserve the benefits of the action you're completing. You deserve to have a clean space; you deserve to have clean sheets to sleep in. Shifting your mindset from having to do something to enjoying the benefit of an action can help propel us forward.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.
